Diners can’t live on nostalgia alone

1950s-themed spot a ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ for sandwich lovers

There are reasons to go to the 410 Diner, located just inside Loop 410 on Broadway. The restaurant dates back to 1982, and it’s a fun, kitschy homage to the Hollywood version of the 1950s, where high schoolers in poodle skirts and pompadours filled the sock-hop dance floor as Elvis and Buddy Holly provided the soundtrack.

But with grocery store bread and little packets of condiments, the sandwiches were more sad cafeteria lunch than happy high school fun. It’s Elvis’ “Return to Sender” all the way.

Best sandwich: The fried chicken sandwich ($14.95) was impressive to look at. The flattened patty of heavily battered white meat chicken beaten down to the size of a pro wrestler’s hand was inspiring. Accompanied by some lettuce, a couple slices of tomato, onions and pickles, it was definitely the belle of the sandwich ball. I left thinking that I would get it again. The breading was good and crunchy with tasty salt and peppery seasoning.

But the best thing that I had here was the order of onion rings ($8.95 as an appetizer), one of more than 20 side options. Thickly cut, the peppery breading provided plenty of crunch without shattering upon the first bite.

Other sandwiches: I ordered the oyster po’boy ($15.95), and maybe that’s what I was served. Served on hoagie roll, it had a lot of breading with what might have been an oyster hiding like a pearl, and about the same size, tucked deep inside.

The open-faced hot roast beef tenderloin sandwich ($14.95) was served with mashed potatoes, brown gravy and a dinner salad. The potatoes were good enough and the salad generous. The beef, however, tasted like a catcher’s mitt with gravy from a can on two slices of bland bread.

I had to go spelunking again with a BLT with a fried egg ($11.95) to make sure there indeed was bacon in it, and I found three paper-thin slices. It was really a BT, bread and tomato, topped with an egg cooked so long and hard it might as well have been boiled.

In a club sandwich ($10.95), a few limp strips of turkey and ham were lost among the too generous amounts of tomato and three slices of toast too lightly toasted to provide any crunch. With the exception of the stellar onion rings, the sides I ordered, from grainy mashed potatoes to freezer-bag fries, all would have been more at home on a lunch tray than a dinner plate.

The menu at 410 Diner is enormous, with steaks, soups, salads, fish, shakes, booze and a sense of history that make it a sentimental spot for a generation of San Antonians. But it’s a “Heartbreak Hotel” for sandwich lovers, and they should find a new place to dwell.

Photos by Chuck Blount/Staff The hearty, crunchy fried chicken sandwich was the standout dish.

The oyster po’boy skimped on the premier ingredient, which was hidden under all that breading.