San Antonio Express-News (Sunday)
These delicious blobs fun to make, too
Apple dumplings are a wonderful exercise in taking something already close to perfect and turning it into something blissfully, brilliantly, beautifully delectable.
Apples are already amazing, aren’t they? The taste, the texture, the va-va-voom curves, and on top of it all, they’re good for you. Do they need to be enhanced by chaotic amounts of butter, brown sugar and heavy cream? No. Should they? Hell, yeah, they should. Life is ludicrous and messy, and occasionally delicious, so we deserve a dessert to match.
Unlike apple pie, which attempts to have some sort of aesthetic appeal, apple dumplings care not for appearances. They are big beige blobs bathed in buttery goo that taste luscious and decadent, especially after a generous dousing with heavy cream.
This recipe offers exact measurements that have been weighed out to the gram so you’ll be sure to get solid results, but do you need to worry yourself with precision? Absolutely not. When apple dumplings were invented long ago in the days of yore, measurements were “a palmful” of this and “a fat glug” of that. This meant that each family could have its own signature apple dumpling recipe based on the size of their palms, and in a way, the world was better for it.
Your dumplings should be unique, just like you.
The dough is a shaggy biscuit-style number, and it’s fun
to make because you get to use your hands. Remember how much fun playing with PlayDoh was when you were a kid? You didn’t care about making a bit of a mess; you just had a good time turning a big glob of nothing into something beautiful. That’s what you get to do when you make these dumplings.
If your dough looks too dry, add a spoonful or two of milk. Too wet? Sprinkle in a little more flour. It’s OK if you accidentally get a little on your shirt.
It’s easy to lose track of time
when you’re having so much fun, but remember to work quickly when mixing the dough so the butter doesn’t melt into mush. You need cold butter if you want to end up with warm, flaky, buttery dumplings. Make a game of it; get a stopwatch and see how fast you can go, then try to beat your time the next time you make apple dumplings. (There will most definitely be a next time.)
We don’t often get the opportunity to bake off-leash, so grab your kicks where you can.
Want to have a little grownup
fun? Add a splash or two of booze to your butterscotch when you’re adding the butter. Use any liquor or liqueur you think will taste good. Traditionally, a sprinkling of cinnamon and sugar is added to the cored apple’s center, but it’s OK to go a little wild and crazy by stuffing raisins or nuts (or both!) in their holes. Feel free to dream big, go off-book and push the limits of the known apple dumpling universe! Add cubes of cream cheese, nubs of Nutella, a mess of mini-marshmallows — trust your imagination and see what happens.
Surprises are fun!
Don’t worry about making perfect squares when rolling and cutting the dough. The buttery pastry can be pinched and patched as needed. Once the apples are fully wrapped, you can quickly roll them between your palms to gently smooth the outsides, but again, don’t worry. Cracks and craggly bits can become ravines for cold heavy cream, or crispy bits that hold onto their crunch in a sea of butterscotch.
The warmth of your hands can do a number on the precious butter flakes in your dough, so popping your stuffed, wrapped dumplings in the freezer while the oven heats will firm them right back up. If you don’t want to bake them straight away, however, just chill them in the refrigerator. (Do not, however, freeze them. Frozen apples won’t soften in this recipe’s baking time!)
When the apple dumplings are finished baking, you’ll need to wait at least 15 minutes before you can eat them, which is the least fun part of this whole process. Bubbling hot butterscotch is not to be underestimated. It’s a sugary siren that will burn your tongue so fiercely you might lose your ability to taste your dumpling, which would be the cruelest of ironies. Step back. Be patient. Take a walk around the block if you need to.
Once they’re cool enough to be eaten without injury, attack your apple dumplings with the ferocity of a kid on Christmas morning. This recipe makes enough to feed you and five other people, or it can feed you six times.