Parent becomes a grinch because of kids’ behavior

Dear Carolyn: My children have turned me into a grinch! I used to like the holidays. Still do, mostly. But the disruption in routines, and extra sugar, mean days of crazy, rambunctious, cranky kids after the big day is over. We’re not going really crazy or over the top. So how do I sit back, relax and let the kids enjoy candy in their stockings without dreading the days of tantrums when the family goes home, and the routine sets back in?

Grinch

Routines ... remember those? (This is adapted from a last-Christmas chat.)

The misery of disrupted routines is an undertalked-about problem, in my opinion. Holidays were some of our most stressful and difficult times as a family when our kids were little, and don’t even get me started on changes for daylight saving time. Utterly gratuitous hell.

The only thing that seemed to help was being less ambitious in our holiday plans and more physically active; the “sit back, relax” option usually led to the most colorful emotional unravelings. Letting go is fine when applied to the idea of not micromanaging the candy intake, but I think you need to balance that out by getting ahead of the meltdowns and getting everyone out for a hike or into a gym/rink/play space/climbing structure or whatever you can manage, given COVID and holiday closures.

It’s more planning when you’re already fried, but it’s usually well worth it. I actually learned this from an animal-behavior specialist called in to help with a problem dog, well before I ever had kids: “A tired dog is a happy dog.” Physically tired from playing hard, not overstimulated-and-stuck-inside-for-hours tired. Key distinction.

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