How to signal to someone they have food on their face

Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I have a 20-year disagreement on how to properly handle the situation when someone has food on their face. We both agree that you would begin by discreetly and gently telling the other person that they have something on their face. The disagreement arises in how to tell them WHERE the food is.

When directly facing the person, I have always pointed to the spot on my own face, as if looking in a mirror. This has worked for me for years — with everyone except my husband. He insists that if I am pointing to my left cheek, he should reverse what he sees (thinking about which side of my own face I am pointing at) and subsequently try to remove the food from his left cheek. He claims that his way is more logical and that he does not have to think about it consciously.

We have agreed to let Miss Manners settle the case, should she choose to do so. Please tell us: Does etiquette dictate whether to “mirror” or not? Which does Miss Manners do?

Gentle Reader: There is no agreed-upon convention, but even if there were, the awkwardness of such exchanges almost guarantees some period of fumbling.

Miss Manners therefore applauds your attempt to limit what follows from devolving into, “No, you haven’t quite got it. No, almost, but it’s still there. No, a little lower. No, your cheek.”

However, she would adopt a somewhat more direct approach: Lift your hand in front of you, on the side that needs to be cleaned, but without extending your fingers. By thus pointing without pointing, you will clarify your intent without the rudeness of sticking a finger in someone else’s face.