Friends do not let reader get a word in edgewise

Dear Carolyn: Over the years I have noticed few people in my social circle listen. They talk over each other, interrupt, even look away seconds after asking a question. And they do this to everyone, not just me. It’s maddening. I don’t deserve special attention, but if someone asks a question I expect a few seconds to answer. These same non-listeners, by contrast, will happily monologue for several minutes about their recent knee surgery, their new golf clubs or the staggering talent their daughter has for riding horses. I’ve tried coping mechanisms: I abandon expectations. I listen carefully — more than I speak. I limit the stories I tell and answer questions concisely. When all else fails, I decline the invitation and settle down with a good book.

Am I having a midlife crisis? Have I become a misanthrope? Do I need new friends? I suspect I come across as rigid and judgmental. But I enjoy good company and long for the days when people delighted in listening to a story as much as telling five. Please show me the way to socialize happily with bad listeners.

Lost in the Din

I was going to recommend misanthropy and a book, but you beat me to it.

I doubt there’s any “way” to make these bad listeners any more interesting or satisfying company. You are who you are, for one thing. And, you’ve tried most of the coping tactics available to you. The only one I’d add is to reframe your reasons for seeing these people. Rather than “enjoy myself,” try something a little longer-range, like, “to keep my marriage happy,” or, “to increase the likelihood of casseroles during rough patches,” or, “to keep me from talking to squirrels.”