How to prevent irritation over the little things

Hi, Carolyn: Do you have any advice to help me get less irritated at little things? I’ve been like this for many years, but I do think the pandemic has made it worse. I try my best not to take this out on anyone else and I can often talk myself down after the fact, but I really wish I could not get irritated in the first place. I am already in therapy for the overall anxiety issues.

Irritated

I expect the two are connected, the anxiety and irritation. Anxiety lives in the gap between what you have and what you fear. Irritation lives in the gap between what you have and what you want.

Overcoming both involves finding peace with what you have, so your work in therapy will likely mitigate both problems over time.

But here’s something to try in the meantime. Imagine for a moment how you feel when you’re late for a meeting and you miss your train. Now imagine the same missed train, when you aren’t late for anything. I’m guessing the difference is pronounced? And in the latter case you’re much calmer and more accepting. When you’re dealing with irritation over small things, it can be helpful to think of this difference. So, what can you do to break out of the “late” state of mind?

There are many ways to do this, and you can use as many as you think apply. For example: Expect little things will go wrong, so you aren’t surprised or let down when they do, or give yourself extra time or leeway, especially for things you know are stressful. You can plan your responses ahead, too — bring a book for when you’re stuck in a waiting room; or repeat a mantra or breathing exercise; or stretch; or take a walk.