Stop the relationship wrecking ball
Do you now find yourself in a situation where someone very near and dear to you has chosen to believe the extreme opposite of what you believe? Perhaps a brother, a sister, a spouse or a longtime friend with whom you once shared your most cherished dreams, your deepest personal convictions, has somehow changed.
They don’t think the same as you do. They don’t believe the facts that you hold to be true. You think their ideas and opinions are crackpot crazy and they’ve gone off the deep end. And they think the same about you. Their perception of reality is absolutely the opposite of yours.
You try talking to them, but they don’t want to hear it. They don’t want to consider your viewpoint. They believe what they believe to be true and immutable, and they will not accept any “evidence” that contradicts their belief. It’s painful. It’s frustrating. It’s maddening, isn’t it? You can’t talk with them without winding up in a shouting match.
Our country has become so polarized — politically, socially and economically — that people no longer can discuss differing points of view without it ending in conflict. Compromise is out of the question. It’s my way or the highway.
Today’s extremism is tearing families apart. Loving relationships are being damaged because of differences over political beliefs, conspiracy theories and even face masks.
How did we get to this point? And how can we go back — if we can go back — to where we can have disagreements but still get along?
The first step, I think, is to look for common ground — those things we can agree on and do together. Perhaps it’s volunteering at our local church, temple, mosque or food bank. Perhaps it’s helping a neighbor who became sick with COVID-19 and lost his job.
We can agree there are a lot of people — many of them our neighbors — who are hurting and need help. A hand that is extended in support is open; it’s not a fist.
Rifts among family members are particularly difficult. You want to keep peace in the family. But how do you do it? What will keeping the peace do for your personal well-being?
Family counselors suggest we set boundaries. This might mean an agreement that we not talk politics or religion because we know it will result in a heated argument. If the topic comes up, we have to be prepared to keep silent or walk away.
Finally, hold on to the belief that with time it may be possible to reconcile our differences and reconnect with that person with whom we so vehemently disagree today. With time, their views may change — or maybe ours will change.
And that’s how I see it.