Friends ask reader to pay forgotten tip for birthday meal

Dear Miss Manners: My three friends took me out for dinner for my birthday and paid for everything, as this is something we all do for each other. The next day, two of them talked on the phone and realized they hadn’t left enough of a tip.

One of them called me and said, “I know you won’t like this, but we just realized that we underestimated the tip. We want you to go back and give our waitress $15 more.”

I was offended and stunned, and suggested that one of them do it, since she lives close by.

This friend responded, “No, we want you to do it, and I’ll pay for your drink next time we go out.”

I said OK, but now that I think about it, it really bothers me. I would never ask this of her, or anyone.

Am I overreacting?

Gentle Reader: Friends ask one another favors. But friends also do not insist on compliance — particularly if the favor is potentially embarrassing. “We want you to do it” reeks of coercion, not to mention conspiracy.

Had you been able to ask Miss Manners in the moment, she would have advised you to avoid the trap of assuming any responsibility for finding a solution: “I’m sorry, I just can’t.” If you cannot bring yourself to make good on your word, already given, a full-blown apology is going to be required: “I’m so sorry, I agreed because I thought it wouldn’t bother me. But it does; I’m embarrassed. I know I said I would, but please don’t ask me to do this.”

This may be more trouble than delivering the retroactive tip.

Please send questions for Miss Manners to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com