Religious friends push atheist to rejoin the flock

Dear Carolyn: I was raised evangelical Christian but converted to atheism 30 years ago. Now 77, I’m finding my friends are not comfortable with my “free will” and have been inundating me with emails, texts and phone calls telling me how “dear” I am to them and that they want me to go to heaven with them and not hell.

I’ve known two of these friends for 65 years and this was never an issue until now. One, whose daughter committed suicide a year ago, cried and prayed that she wanted me to join her and her daughter in heaven. Another, who is dying of kidney failure, told me how much he will miss me in heaven while I suffer in hell.

I was unable to get a word in edgewise with either of these long-term friends and chose to mute them on all my devices. I miss them and feel guilty that I’ve tossed them away. Have I done the wrong thing? S.

If you think so, then you have; there’s no absolute measure of right and wrong here. There is only what your heart and conscience tell you.

If you felt relief, and/or that these friendships had run their course, or such inundation crossed a line, then that would say you made the right or merely necessary choice — though I’d be urging you now to explain this to your friends instead of hiding behind mute buttons. They’re both quite clearly deep into their own existential struggles. Maybe their eyes just rested on you as a place they feel they can make a difference. A more manageable place for their fears.

For that reason, and since you miss your friends, you might as well find out whether this is something you all can get past.