Stepdaughter’s views of her dad shock stepmom

Dear Miss Manners: My husband of 31 years died after a short illness. I’d always thought we had a good relationship with his daughter. She’s in her 50s and has a very successful career as an elder care social worker. My husband had divorced her mother when she was 3, and willingly paid alimony and child support for many years; he also voluntarily paid the tuition for her college degree. A week before he died, she came to visit her father for perhaps the last time. After she talked with her dad for a few minutes, she sat down with me and began to tell me what a terrible father he was, and how he had been cruel to her throughout her life!

I was stunned. I only knew my husband to be a kind, honest and loving man. I was so shocked and hurt! I explained that I thought her outburst inappropriate and unkind. I wanted to toss her out then and there, but held my tongue and temper and just asked her to leave. I’ve kept my distance since then, though she continues to contact me, asking how I’m doing and wishing me well since she “knows how hard it must be for me to be alone.”

I want to tell her exactly what I think of her poor behavior and ask her to stop contacting me.

Your thoughts on how to put this behind me?

Gentle Reader: Severing familial relationships may be painful, but it is not complex: Stop returning her calls. There is no need to tell her exactly what you think because you already have.

Two paths lie open: terminating the relationship, or rebuilding it — perhaps on the premise that sometimes a mother forgives a child’s transgressions.