Good listener tires of people who only know how to talk

Dear Carolyn: I am a reasonable, even-tempered person who rarely angers because I can always see the other person’s point of view, even if I don’t agree with them. I have worked in bereavement counseling, in municipal politics, and have extensive experience with family members with mental health issues. I have a natural talent for listening, offer advice only if specifically asked, and become calmer the more upset the other person is.

In short, I have a ton of friends and family who call and love to chat about their problems — which until recently I have enjoyed. I hadn’t even noticed the complete lack of interest in my life.

I know I can ask them to ask me questions about my life, and I realize I have set a pattern where our relationship is not ever about me ... but seriously, have they all been so shallow and I haven’t noticed? Or am I just depressed?

Am I Invisible?

I’m sorry you’re stuck in a role. I really do think that’s what it is — kind of the way parents see grown kids as the children they were and not the adults they are. Habit. So it might be time to make some new connections, if you can. Or, tell your truth to someone you already know and trust not to fumble it.

Because of your pattern, of course, you will need to do this outreach with your own invisible asterisk — you don’t want to meet new people or be newly vulnerable to old ones only to connect with them the same way. This time, be mindful of listening skills. Theirs, not yours. Or just wear a garlic boa. Good luck.