Neighbors hold a grudge after losing game equipment

Dear Miss Manners: I get along with most of my neighbors, but there’s one family we’ll never be close to.

A waist-high fence separates our yards. Basketballs and soccer balls fly into our yard a lot. If I’m out there, I throw them back, no problem. I’ve added a hook to close, not lock, our front fence, as we’re having a lot of work done and don’t want anyone getting hurt.

In a group party game at the neighbor’s, one piece of equipment came over our fence. I looked everywhere, but couldn’t find it. I was sitting outside at the time, dealing with a very ill family member, and said I would find it later and drop it off. They asked to come over and look. I let one child over, who couldn’t find it. Then they all wanted to come look. I said no, we have something going on. It was pretty obvious we were dealing with something serious.

Their guests came to the front gate asking to come in, saying their game was ruined. I was polite, but said I’d return it as soon as I could. I just couldn’t deal with a large group wandering through piles of materials and disrupting us.

The next day I searched, found and returned it. The frost has been palpable. Am I the bad neighbor?

Gentle Reader: No, but you are not going to convince them of that. What you might be able to do is convince them to be more careful with their sporting equipment. Miss Manners points out that that, too, will require care and balance: If you are friendlier than they are, they may read it as conceding you were wrong; if you are hostile, you risk escalation.