Duty to disabled brother keeps reader close to abusive mom

Dear Carolyn: When I was a child, my mother told me over and over again how dumb I was and how ashamed she was to be my mother, and the day I turn 18, she wants me out of the house and never wants to see me again. This impacted every choice I made when I started out in life: I went to the inexpensive state school near home and took the first job locally I could find. But she was also wrong about everything: I graduated summa cum laude and went back for my master’s. Today I am making a great salary doing work I am deeply proud of.

My mom’s life took an unexpected twist: My father passed away and my younger brother, whom she adored and doted on, developed schizophrenia and is now totally dependent on her care. As a single woman in my 20s and 30s, I assumed I would take over my brother’s care after she passed away. But now, in my 40s, I have met and married a wonderful guy from the Midwest, and he is feeling a pull to go back there from the East Coast. I have a feeling I would love it, too. Finally, I have started to realize how wrong my mother was about me, and I feel such an urge to move away, thrive with my husband and “find” my real self. But my brother would have no one after my mother is gone.

I don’t even know how to begin making a decision to go or stay. Or have I already cast my lot?

Wait — your mother is still caring for your brother? Move, thrive, find! My goodness. Go live at 100 percent. Deal with the future when it comes.

Chat with Carolyn online at 11 a.m. each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.