Spouse’s mom hits jackpot with way to not comunicate

My mother-in-law has never been very kind or welcoming to me, so we don’t have a close bond, but I love her as a part of my family. The past few visits, she’s been repeating, completely out of the blue, that if she ever won the lottery, she wouldn’t give her children any of the money.

It feels wrong to ignore, but my spouse has asked me not to respond to her. I can’t get a real explanation for why I can’t say something. It strikes me as a cry for open communication, but historically, their family dynamic has only allowed for extremely stilted, impersonal conversations.

Does this seem like something I can reasonably ask about the next time it comes up? My spouse says even asking, “What WOULD you do with the money?” is a bad idea.

Okay, this is just weird.

But it’s her weird, we’re all just living in it. The woman obviously has something to say, and no intention of actually saying it. That is her prerogative, just as it’s your spouse’s prerogative to prefer not to get into it, whatever “it” is.

As for the specific answer, what you’re supposed to do with this weird fixation of hers: It would seem like something you can reasonably ask about, of course, since she’s practically begging you to, except your spouse asked you not to and that’s the far more important relationship.

That said, between your mother-in-law’s steely determination not to say what she really means and your spouse’s steely determination not to ask, there does appear to be a narrow landing strip. It’s just enough room for you to riff on what you’d do.