San Diego Union-Tribune (Sunday)
CHOOSING TO BE MORE LOVING
DONALD DE ANGELO: ISOLATION AN OPPORTUNITY TO TRULY SEE OTHERS
It was a government-imposed timeout. Like schoolchildren who have been a bit out of hand, we were sent to our rooms. Some horrible things happened, and we were all being “punished.” But, as time out became lockdown, every minute spent in limbo promoted contemplation — and with that came the realization of things that I love.
Having moved to San Diego in 1992 from New York, virtually my entire family is a continent away. In the normal bustle and rush of life, out of sight meant out of mind. In quiet confinement, distance indeed made the heart grow fonder. I called my siblings, parents, nieces and nephews. I also called aunts and uncles and cousins by the dozens. I realized intensely just how much I love and miss them, flaws and all.
It was in the lonely repose of quarantine that I was forced to understand the true value of having a true life partner and a family. Single life had become a type of selfconscious choice, but the cost of that choice had never been as deeply felt until now. And whole families out walking the neighborhood — simply because they were desperate to find something to do — was a constant reminder of what I may never have.
The lockdown may have made Lent easier to handle because there were fewer ways to offend the divine. But Easter was muted by government fiat. It made me appreciate just how much my soul revels in collective worship of my Lord. How much do I love my faith? How much do I loathe the government’s power to stifle its practice? But I did finally come to terms with the truth that to truly be a person of faith means suffering and the willingness to praise my Creator even when no one is watching and demonstrate His love by loving others, especially in times such as these.
The solitude of my backyard became nature’s library as I read through a yard-high stack of books I had been “meaning to get to” for years. The eureka moment arrived when I said, “Wow, I love books and knowledge and the escapism of learning about other people, places and cultures.” I started writing my second book, which I thought would be years away. The maxim is true: When you love what you do, you never work another day of your life.
As an educator, it was wonderful to accept the gratitude and praises of parents and students who, for perhaps the first time, understood the joy of in-person learning and the vitality of the traditional classroom. I never thought I would hear a high school senior tell me, “I’m so bored, I just want to be at school!” Parents who had to take complete charge of their child’s learning process seem to actually appreciate the role of the teacher in our society. Monitoring a few children in remote-access learning is a small taste of what a teacher accomplishes with anywhere from 50 to 150 students every day for 180 days a year. I am actually hearing people say, “I love our teachers!”
One of my colleagues organized an ongoing “quarantine trivia night” for the faculty on Zoom. While I must admit my primary focus was on demonstrating my superior intellect and competitive spirit, I couldn’t help gazing at everyone’s video feed. I found myself smiling as I could see friends and check out new hairdos, what I call “COVID coifs”! It finally dawned on me that I truly love the people with whom I work. I care deeply about their happiness and respect their commitment to their vocation. What a blessing to work in such an environment.
It was in the prolonged exposure to binge-watching television series and lesser-known films that I remembered just how much I love to be entertained. When such things are well done, it so truly makes a difference. It is a genuine joy to be exposed to such gifts. When you miss sports so much that you are willing to watch the 1996 U.S. PGA Open — and you don’t golf — you realize what you value. But when baseball owners and players kept haggling over who would get how many billions of dollars, I wonder just how much they really “love the game.”
And what would we all have done if we were living in different times? As a history professor, I have been reminding myself of just how wonderful it is that I am enduring such trials with the gifts of modern science and technology. If I were Amish, I probably would have run myself over with my own horse and buggy! We are truly blessed to have electricity and connectivity. Can we even truly imagine what we would do without Facetime, Facebook, or the myriad of streaming services?
As new summer breezes were interrupted by the sound of rioting in nearby La Mesa, I was forced to assess my love for my country and my fellow man. When anger and frustration becomes manifested in hateful destruction, you might begin to question the very idea of human dignity. It was not too long ago that I decided to abandon the two main parties because I could no longer see the value in continuing to vote in the same manner and expect to get a different outcome. But the responses to George Floyd’s killing, and the resurgence of coronavirus infections because people have forgotten how to simply be good citizens, drew me into an inner conversation about what matters most to me when it comes to expectations of my government and fellow man.
I want to trust my leaders and feel that I have a role to play in the larger project that we call the American experience. But these last few months have demonstrated just how badly government operates and how unfairly it wields its power.
I discovered just how much I love when leaders conduct themselves with grace and humility. I love it when any organization can operate with competence and compassion.
I also realized just how much I truly love my fellow man. When the vast majority of people will gladly wear a mask in public if not for them but to simply ease the anxiety of strangers is a confirmation that I can continue to hope for the future. To walk down a street and say “hello” and hear it said back to me with a smile makes all the difference in any day. I have noticed how much
As a history professor, I have been reminding myself of just how wonderful it is that I am enduring such trials with the gifts of modern science and technology.
time and effort people have been putting into their homes and yards. Flowers are more plentiful, and there is more fresh paint and planted trees.
In the depths of our despair, we seem to be driven to make our temporary cages more beautiful and our habitats more livable. It is an indication of the human drive to be inspired, to transcend temporary difficulties. In this I have chosen to rest my worries. I am choosing to act more lovingly and be more in-themoment.
As quarantine turns into cautious exposure, we are faced with diverted paths in our nation’s historic woods. Because of the time I have been “given” to reassess my priorities, I am heeding Robert Frost and will take the road less traveled.