She’s in charge and he’s got no beef

Today, it’s all about recovering from those grueling holiday chores.

Decorating, cleaning, cooking and shopping were just some of the challenges I watched my wife endure.

I do my best to be helpful by staying out of her way.

In our home, the household duties are apportioned according to who’s best at a particular task.

Turns out, at virtually every endeavor, she’s the clear leader, blessed with unmatched talents and skills.

I married well.

I can take a lot of the load off her shoulders by sharing some of the chores, but sadly, my support would only serve to dilute her efforts, and she has the sort of standards that won’t tolerate such erosion. I married well.

Alas, I’m compelled to remain on the sidelines, condemned to the recliner.

But that’s the hand I was dealt. Some people are gifted with unlimited abilities and excel at every exercise, others are cursed with ineptitude and forced to watch football.

I don’t want to suggest I had no duties whatsoever. I was responsible for the giftbuying.

I mean the one for my wife. She was in charge of the presents for the kids and every other member of the family because she has such an acute sense of what constitutes the perfect gift.

I married well.

But I was left with the job of finding something for her because handing her money to buy her own present, I was told, would be unseemly.

So I went to Costco.

I mean its website.

A promotion for steak popped up on the screen. Meat is not necessarily the ideal Christmas gift, but I know she likes a nice fillet once in a while, only it’s rarely on the menu because of the cost.

But this was what they called Japanese wagyu beef. It’s considered the best in the world. So why not make it a Christmas gift? $1,279.99, that’s why not!

I should explain, that was for a 12-pound ribeye, so that brought the cost down to around the price I paid for a used Buick.

Still, I had to pass on the steak, even though it included free shipping.

The truth is, jewelry would make a much more appropriate gift, so I scanned down to where I saw Costco was promoting a diamond bracelet for only $27,999.99.

Or 22 Buicks.

So I returned to the page with the steak, which suddenly appeared to be a bargain.

But even if I shelled out $1,279.99, she’d be appalled that I spent such an exorbitant sum on steak, especially since the funds would be coming out of a joint account, which, in her eyes, means she’d be paying for half her own gift.

In my view, however, I see it as saving 50 percent.

I wound up purchasing an affordable necklace, which she happens to adore. I told her about that $1,279.99 steak I thought about buying, but she said she’d be just as content with a $2 cheeseburger.

I married well.