LISTEN TO AN EXPERT. IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK DURING A PANDEMIC.

Just recently a client of mine, a woman in her early 30s, told me, “I feel bad for feeling this way” after describing her “bad day” and work-related stress. She described her recent irritability and sensitivity. She was confused and unable to identify just what exactly “caused” this funk. She expressed feelings of guilt and embarrassment for being “consumed” by these “little things” that she believed were not that big of a deal. Five minutes into the conversation, she disclosed a family crisis and shared how challenging it’s been not living in the same state as her family. It was evident that this was not just one “bad day” but a culmination of events and stress that had come to a head. How could she not struggle?

We are a year into this pandemic. Initially, most of us were under the impression that things would get back to “normal” after a few short weeks of being on lockdown. None of us could have prepared for the nature of the pandemic and just how deeply our lives would be impacted. In my practice, I have clients who have lost loved ones to COVID-19, who have been sick and hospitalized with the virus themselves, who struggle with job loss and financial hardship, and who experience heightened anxiety and depression. As a therapist, trying to hold space for my clients during this time has been challenging. This is because there is not a whole lot that any one person can do or say to alleviate the grief and loss or feelings of uncertainty that most individuals are experiencing right now. Sometimes all I can really do is lend an ear and validate how someone is feeling.

First and foremost, the typical grieving process has been disrupted due to the nature of the pandemic. Many individuals have been unable to be with their family members who have been sick or have passed from COVID-19. Many have been unable to memorialize or celebrate the lives of their loved ones or be with others close to them for comfort and support. In addition to grieving the lives lost, individuals are also grieving what their life once was pre-pandemic, and a sense of normalcy. It has been incredibly hard for many to be unable to see or visit with family or friends, especially during the holidays and times of celebration. Or even to simply hug and embrace one’s loved ones freely — that physical closeness and intimacy — something that we all need as human beings. Additionally, individuals have also been unable to engage in recreational activities or participate in their communities in the same way, so there have been fewer outlets available to cope and opportunities to connect with others. And as people are spending more time at home, it is not uncommon for individuals to feel isolated and alone — even in a busy household. Individuals and families are maintaining structure and routine at home, as personal life, family life and work life have blurred in many ways. Parents are having to redefine their roles and balance parenting and supporting their child’s learning, while also working and making sure that their family’s basic needs are being met. I have witnessed many parents experiencing feelings of guilt and inadequacy, questioning their ability to provide enough support and worrying about their children’s mental health and well-being. Relationships and marriages have also been strained due to the high level of stress and couples being forced to address underlying issues that are now coming to the surface.

This pandemic has also instilled a lot of fear and anxiety. Individuals are worried about their health and the health of those close to them. They are worried about their finances and maintaining stability for themselves and their families. There is a lot of mistrust due to a multitude of conflicting information, disparity in COVID-19 numbers and deaths among different demographics, and ongoing challenges navigating resources and the health care system. There is also uncertainty about the future, as well as feelings of helplessness and having very little control over one’s life.

Despite the hardship, trauma and grief that have been experienced this past year, what cannot be denied is the strength and resiliency of the human spirit. I have seen so many individuals adapt and fight to get through really difficult days. I have seen more people engage in charity and donate their time and resources to provide aid and relief to others. I have seen individuals and families redefine and reprioritize their values. And I have seen people unite through this collective experience and find common humanity.