SOCIETY’S TREATMENT OF MY SON WAS A PAINFUL REVELATION

The way I realized I was pregnant with my son, Osiris, was on The Giant Dipper roller coaster in Belmont Park. The roller coaster went up, and I felt a flutter in my lower abdomen go down. The roller coaster went down, and I felt a flutter in my lower abdomen go up.

I got off the roller coaster and touched my belly. I knew in my heart I was carrying my son. I went to the doctor the next day and confirmed my pregnancy. I was carrying a human life God himself had entrusted me with. I had no idea his life, because of his Blackness, would be another roller coaster ride.

When my son was born, the only person in the room with me was the nurse who delivered him. When I held him for the first time, I fell in love. All I wanted to do was build him up into a stellar man. I had no idea that society would try to block me at every juncture.

If I had researched having a Black son before I had given birth, I would have been much better prepared for some of the struggle my son has now. I would have found out that Black boys are seen as a threat to society as early as 10 years old. I would have learned about the school-toprison pipeline and the gross disparities that take place with Black men and boys in America’s criminal justice system.

I would have been aware that there would be teachers who would tell my son he could not do certain things because he is a Black boy with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and dyslexia. At some point he started to believe the crippling words they said about him.

From elementary school through middle school, I didn’t see race as a major issue for Osiris. I saw his learning disabilities as the issue. Once he reached high school, systemic racism became very clear.

“To Kill a Mockingbird” was the first book he was assigned to read his freshman year. The book had no real aha moments for Black students who were reading it. The only thing Osiris could relate to in the book was the word n-----, a word he knew as the worst racial slur that could be hurled at him. My son and I were up against an educational system that covertly separated children through books and images that made Black men seem weak and stupid and put White men in positions of power and leadership.

On July 5, 2016, we came in from a beach outing and the first thing I did was get on Facebook. There was a video circulating of a Black man being assaulted by police in a parking lot for selling CDS. The man was shot and killed while being held down on the ground like an animal. This man was Alton Sterling. Less than 24 hours later, there was another video of another Black man being killed by a cop during a routine traffic stop. The cop shot the man to death while he was reaching for his identification while his girlfriend and her 4-year-old daughter were in the car. This man was Philando Castile. In a 24-hour period, two men who were Black, just like my son, were killed by law enforcement for no apparent reason.

Their deaths woke something up in me. I did not want to see my son die like this. I decided I wasn’t going to train my son to hide in the shadows and dumb down to survive. I wanted him to live abundantly. There was a whole group of moms all over the planet who felt just like I did.

So I became a part of Moms of Black Boys United, founded by Depelsha Thomas Mcgruder. The organization’s mission is to provide information and support for moms of Black sons while promoting positive images of Black boys and men. I’ve learned so much from other moms who have sons with the same learning styles as my son.

I have also learned to exercise my rights to free speech and peaceful protest, and my rights to call out disparities and to hold politicians, police and anybody else involved in harming Black men and boys accountable.

My son has had small brushes with law enforcement in the past, but he’s making better choices now. He wants to represent Black boys and men in a positive light, and be part of the solution for a better future.

We were up against an educational system that covertly separated children through books and images that made Black men seem weak and stupid and put White men in positions of power and leadership.