SHE ENDURED EVERYTHING LIFE THREW AT HER FOR 99 YEARS
During the height of the Korean War, a young widow moved swiftly amid a wave of South Korean refugees fleeing from communist troops. Gripping her young son and two daughters, she had only one mission — to protect the lives of her beloved children.
This was my halmoni (grandmother in Korean), Soon Whan Kim, an incredible woman of faith, courage and determination. Her husband disappeared six months after the birth of their third child, so her children became her entire world.
When she came upon the Imjin River, it was clear that crossing with three young children would not only be difficult, it would take too much time. North Korean troops were closing in. Halmoni’s brother urgently suggested that she leave her daughters behind. Sacrifice the girls to save the boy.
Horrified by the idea, halmoni responded, “I would rather all of us die together than to leave my daughters.” And with that, halmoni and her brother parted ways as he crossed the river without her.
Nearly 1 million South Koreans died in the war. But fate had other plans for halmoni.
She survived Japanese occupation, famine and extreme poverty as a single mother. She once told us that when my father was sick as a child, and she had nothing to give him, she went begging door-to-door for some kimchi juice, known to be full of vitamin C.
As her children got older, halmoni
started cutting hair as a way to pay for their education. As the first hairstylist in Nonsan (a few hours south of Seoul) she hustled her way into opening up her own hair salon called Hollywood Salon.
Thanks to her sacrifices, my father made it into one of South Korea’s top medical universities. He was eventually recruited to work at Mercy Hospital in Chicago in 1969. This opened the door for halmoni, his sisters, my mother and me to start a new life in America.
Over the years, halmoni was a constant presence in my life. As her first grandchild and the oldest child of her only son, she held me close and always showed me favor. She taught me how to French braid my hair, and how to color my nails with flower petals. We also had a special, unspoken bond because she carried me on her back in Korea.
Regretfully, I never learned how to speak Korean fluently, which meant I could only carry a grade-school level conversation with her.
She wanted to tell me so much, and she often tried while holding my hand.
Although I didn’t always understand her words, I felt the essence of her message through her touch. Her skin was so soft. And her eyes were full of sorrow.
Despite having lived through tremendous pain and suffering,
halmoni’s faith helped her persevere. And Lord, could that woman pray.
As the matriarch, halmoni always said prayer at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. These prayers were epic, like her life — spanning time, space and geography. I’m not kidding when I say these prayers would often take a half hour or more, which is an eternity when all you want to do is cut into the turkey. By the time “Amen” came around, the food was always cold.
Halmoni put as much effort into her health as she did into the church. She loved to exercise — walking, swimming, dancing and yoga. As an avid yogi myself, I always wonder if I got my love for yoga from her.
In her later years, she became famous for shooting pool into her 90s. Such a hustler.
That’s why it was such a travesty when
halmoni lost her mobility after a fall in late 2019, which put her into a nursing home. She went unwillingly because up until that time, even though she was 99 years old, she lived in her own apartment. Giving up her independence painfully marked the beginning of the end.
When the pandemic hit in early 2020, the nursing home no longer allowed visitors.
In early May, the nursing home sent
halmoni to the ER for breathing problems, which turned out to be related to COVID-19. She died peacefully in the hospital on May 6 without family or friends by her side.
Losing my last living grandparent was hard enough. But knowing that she died alone breaks my heart.
Think of all that she endured — occupation, war, poverty and immigration. Yet it was COVID-19 that ultimately took her life just months shy of her 100th birthday.
Because of her strength and determination, I am alive — along with eight other grandchildren and 15 great-grandchildren who are her living legacy. Rest in peace,
halmoni.
Kim is an independent producer and founder of the Pacific Arts Movement and a former TV news anchor and reporter. She lives in Sorrento Valley.
Despite having lived through tremendous pain and suffering, her faith helped her persevere. And Lord, could she pray.