When you hit the wall, it’s time for respite care

A year of living and caregiving through COVID-19 has pushed many caregivers beyond their physical, emotional and mental limits. I know that I am probably like many other caregivers, struggling to survive a global health crisis with little or no respite.

The compounded fatigue, daily stressors, isolation and no ability to bring in assistance because of the coronavirus make caregiving seem impossible sometimes. I know I have hit the “I can’t do it” wall during the last 12 months of pandemic caregiving.

It is time for respite care for me and, I imagine, most informal caregivers.

What is respite care?

Family caregivers are typically unpaid and do not get much time off during their caregiver life. Respite care provides primary caregivers time off from their caregiving duties, whether for a few hours or a couple of days. There are different paths to finding respite care, depending on local resources and personal finances. Some may be looking for options that are free or priced on a sliding scale, while others may seek to hire professional caregivers on a regular basis.

I encourage caregivers to plan, schedule and take respite breaks where and when it is safely possible, given the vaccine and medical restrictions. Research available options for respite care and make preliminary arrangements. When the care recipient’s primary doctor allows for respite,

Respite care provides primary caregivers time off from their caregiving duties, whether for a few hours or a couple of days.

then caregiving appointments can easily be made, because you have already done your homework.

I often remind caregivers that taking time for respite is part of maintaining good physical and mental healthcare. I hope that we will be able to start scheduling some respite care sooner rather than later.

Taking steps toward personal time

I tried for over two weeks to schedule COVID-19 vaccine appointments for my parents, and it was very disturbing hearing from associates and friends that they had received the vaccine while, weeks into distribution, I couldn’t book even one appointment — let alone two or three.

I finally made my parents’ appointments and was grateful that I could get one, because San Diego County allowed for family caregivers to get a vaccine if they bring a letter from their care recipients’ primary physician. I now feel comfortable

allowing myself to think that respite is in the extremely near future, because I’ll be able to schedule some for myself.

Although for most family caregivers, there has been little respite over the last year, some San Diego caregivers I have been able to speak with recently shared their relief and what it has been like for them.

New appreciation for assistance

Terri, a reader, recently emailed me about finding respite in San Diego and, more specifically, finding bilingual caregivers. I am happy when readers reach out to me via social media and email with questions. I respond as quickly as possible and weave these comments

into my column. I have included resources listed below with some information on services.

When we went to get our first vaccine shot, I had the opportunity to speak to different caregivers with unique caregiver journeys, yet all of them were tired and in need of respite. Every one discussed how they had little assistance over the last year because of the coronavirus. A couple of caregivers live in multigenerational households like mine, with essential and frontline workers living alongside the care recipient with compromised immune systems. Normally, the caregiver would have built-in respite care, but with a deadly virus possibly being transmitted inside these homes, many have no assistance

with caregiving.

One caregiver said she never realized how much the couple of hours each week a friend provided her for personal time and errands contributed to her positive attitude and good health. Not having that weekly time off, and missing out on a quick in-person visit with her friend seriously affected her mental and physical health, she said.

My story of living and caregiving through COVID-19 is similar. I had lots of respite care before the pandemic hit. I have two sisters, a niece and a brother-in-law who take active roles in our family caregiving plan. Since it began, however, except for shopping outside of the house, I have not been able to have a day off or much respite during the last year, like most family caregivers.

Where can a caregiver turn?

I love AARP and often look to them for resources for myself and my readers. They created a particularly useful and very encompassing list of resources for caregivers for all types of services and organizations. Below, you will find a list of organizations doing good things for caregivers:

San Diego Health & Human Services, Aging and Independence Services — Caregiver Support Program:

offering a wide range of services to help caregivers. www.sandiegocounty.gov/ content/sdc/hhsa/programs/ ais/caregiver_support.html

Southern Caregiver Resource Center: a leader in providing free caregiver services. www.caregivercenter.org

Elder Help of San Diego: helping seniors remain independent in their homes. www.elderhelpofsandiego.org

Senior Planet: a resource group for online technology assistance. https://seniorplanet.org

AARP – list of resources: www.aarp.org/caregiving/ local