I FELT LIKE I WAS DROWNING, WITH NO HELP IN SIGHT

I was so ready to leave middle school behind and start high school. I spent the final few months of middle school in a virtual classroom. By virtual classroom, I mean kids hiding under blankets while still in bed and not being able to see their faces at all. It got old quick! My middle school graduation consisted of my parents driving me through the school parking lot, and, when it was our turn, my name flashed on a screen and I was handed my promotional certificate through the window like I was getting a drink from Starbucks.

Then in the summer, cross-country tryouts started, and that’s when I knew my high school journey had begun. The only problem was that the COVID-19 pandemic was still preventing me and everyone else from going back to school. When school finally started, I made the most of it and was elected freshman class president, but academically I found myself struggling with the online learning platform and Zoom sessions. Each week usually starts with an email from my teachers about what was happening that week and their expectations. I am not the best academically and have to work hard to learn because it doesn’t come easy for me.

I miss the chaos of the classroom as my classmates talk loudly and the teacher tries to settle us down as class starts. I like to work together with my friends and other classmates to solve problems and talk about what we are learning in a way that makes sense to me. In a classroom, I feel like I can work with my teachers daily to see how I can do better and develop study habits. I learn by doing — by being a part of the conversation and taking an active role in what is being taught. Yes, I lose interest easily and my mind often wanders as my focus sometimes becomes foggy. But being in the classroom allows me to work with my teachers, where I feel like they care about my success and work with me to stay focused and get better.

With virtual instruction, it felt like I had to teach myself. Unfortunately, I’m not a very good self-teacher. In a classroom, it’s easy to stop by the teacher’s desk or go in at lunch to talk about my grade or something I didn’t understand, but that was no longer an option. Now communication and class questions take place via email, with a teacher I hardly know.

By the time second quarter arrived, we were back to school one day a week. A group of different students go to school one day a week from Tuesday through Friday, and my day is Wednesday. I was happy to go back to school, even if it was for one day, but I quickly found out that many of my friends went on different days. Another good thing that happened was the start of official cross-country practice, then later soccer. Finally, a chance to compete and be around friends.

Second quarter in the virtual classroom felt overwhelming. I literally felt like I was drowning, with no help in sight. I was taking geography, English and biology. At first, I thought I could manage it all, but it quickly spiraled out of control as I was unable to keep up with current work and late work, while also completing tests and projects. During Zoom classroom meetings, I felt embarrassed to ask for help, and when I got an email from the teacher, it was easy to ignore and avoid the topic. It was also easy to tell my parents I was doing fine or that my grade was low because the teacher hadn’t updated the grades yet, or that the teacher said late work would be accepted. The reality was that attending class virtually made it easier for me to avoid my problems.

I would love to be back in the classroom full-time, but for now two days a week is a good start. My freshman year has been spent adapting to this new COVID-19 norm while finding ways to succeed in the virtual classroom. It has been difficult at times. But it has taught me to never give up, to have confidence and to believe in myself!

I would love to be back in the classroom full-time, but for now two days a week is a good start.

Harward

is a freshman at Granite Hills High School and lives in Alpine.