I AM ON A WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY AND PROUD TO LOVE MY BODY
Every new year, there is a well-known phrase said by many: “New year, new me.” When the 2021 new year countdown began, all I wished for was a healthier version of me.
I had been overweight my entire life. At my heaviest, I weighed 380 pounds.
Every time I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t help but feel a bit disgusted at my lumpy reflection. Then there was that little voice inside of me telling me that I was not enough.
I just hated how clothing fit so tightly on me. Accordingly, the idea of shopping was embarrassing since my size was never available. I feared asking a sales associate for a size 5XL, thinking she would laugh at my request.
Body image influences our daily thoughts more than it should. The size of your body has nothing to do with your beauty, but I thought if I was not comfortable with my mirror’s reflection, as well as with my health, then I should act upon it.
At only 26 years old, at 380 pounds, doing normal activities like walking around the grocery store for 15 minutes would cause my whole body to ache.
After an end of the year visit to my primary care doctor, I was diagnosed with fatty liver disease and high blood pressure.
I decided to change my body image for the better. I said, “2021 is my year for a new healthy lifestyle.”
I began by cutting all sugary foods incorporating caldos de pollo y res — chicken and meat stews.
My exercising routine is personalized. I bought a mini gym, which includes a small jumper, differentsized dumbbell weights and a stationary bike. At night, I go out for a brisk one-hour walk.
Having a strong determination to stop eating unhealthy foods comes in handy when I am at a family party surrounded by fried tacos, sweet bread for dessert and lots of Mexican candies in goodie bags.
At these family parties, it is customary to take a family picture. The pictures are always uploaded onto social media, but mine used to be edited and Photoshopped before uploading it to my social outlets so that my body would look thinner and there would be no outside judgment by my followers.
Looking back at all the Photoshopped images, it’s impossible not to feel a sense of regret. I know that the photos I see are fake, so why did I try to edit my body image with Photoshop? Why was I so afraid and embarrassed of my body curvature? More than once, I’ve found myself wondering these questions, and the answer is because I tied my inner beauty, my true self-value, to my weight.
While in the process of losing the weight, I had to make time not only for exercising but also for my classes at the university and for the new part-time job I picked up, working as a sales associate in a plus-size clothing store.
Working at the store has exposed me to many different stories about women who also are not comfortable with their body image and wish for a change in their mirror reflections.
I am 5 feet tall, exactly, and I never thought that height and weight would also affect costumers when trying on something as simple as a pair of jeans. “These jeans are regular size and they fit me like cropped pants, do you have any tall-sized pair of jeans?” is one of the most frequently asked questions in my clothing store.
Here’s another phrase that I hear often from customers: “I liked how the shirt looked on the mannequin but not on me, this is why shopping and trying on the clothing is hard for me.”
Being a plus size, curvy woman was not easy. I had to learn to love myself for who I was, meaning that I had to understand that the reflection I saw in the mirror could change if I did not like it but that my weight would not make me any less valuable as a person.
When I made peace with the separation of beauty and my body image, I began to lose weight as I focused on my health. It was not easy to lose 160 pounds — going from a size 5XL to a L has taken dedication and appreciation for the transformation that my body is going through.
I can proudly say that I entered 2022 weighing 220 pounds, and, although I have not reached my goal weight yet, which is 160 pounds, I am very proud to continue with my weight-loss journey, and to love my body for me.
At only 26, at 380 pounds, doing normal activities like walking around the grocery store would cause my whole body to ache.
Ojeda is a graduate student in journalism at New York University and sales associate at a plus-size clothing store. She lives in Chula Vista.