Fatcat fans, a smelly new home and free Tequila

Deep thoughts, cheap shots & bon mots ... It was too quiet at Chase Center for the Warriors’ opener, but all the noiseshaming in the world won’t make fans louder when the team plays like that. Any time they want noise, just call a timeout and have Carlos Santana play while the seniors dance team performs and Klay Thompson delivers a sincere speech about the team’s future and those guys shoot Tshirts into the stands. Memo to Warriors: Here’s a solution to all those empty seats created by fatcat fans hiding out in their private cottoncandy suites: Allow each of those suite owners to bring an extra six to eight kids with ’em to each game. The kids can sit in the arena seats while the adults kick back in the suite. And you kids? No smart phones or tablets. Watch the game! Don’t worry, you’ll still get cotton candy, although you won’t have a butler to hold it for you. Charles Barkley says a jumpshooting team can’t win the NBA championship. Does that mean the Warriors have a chance? Fans at Chase Center know exactly where they are. Painted in bold letters behind the South end line: San Francisco. Did I just dream this, or has the next Super Bowl really been moved from Miami to Doral? I took a ride past Howard Terminal the other night and stopped to watch the fascinating scrapsteelprocessing operation at nextdoor neighbor Schnitzer Steel. Gigantic trucks! Huge cranes! So cool! I noticed that the neighborhood could really use a giant air freshener. Suggested name for the A’s new stadium: What’s That Smell Park.

Steve Kerr said Thursday that he was locked out of his office a couple of times after preseason games at Chase Center. Steve, always check the scoreboard. Quick story from former NBA coach Paul Westhead. He once coached in a pro league in Puerto Rico. Games were on one side of the island, Westhead lived on the other side and commuted via a small airline. After games, there was only one flight out. Westhead: “Whenever we won, I’d get to the airport and they’d say, ‘Great game, coach, we held the plane for you!’ Whenever we lost, they’d say, ‘Sorry, senor, the plane has already taken off.’ ” At Chase Center, when the ball goes out of bounds off a visiting player, the new PA announcer prompts the crowd, “Whose ball is it?” Sounds like a guy playing with his dog in the backyard. Hey, Raiders, you claim the NFL was looking for an opportunity to suspend Vontaze Burfict. Why would the league target him? Could it be all those previous fines, suspensions and warnings for cheap shots and dangerous hits? Is it possible Bruce Bochy announced his retirement last spring because he was sure he would be unhappy working with a newschool, analyticsdriven GM, but Bochy gained a greater respect for numberscrunching and found that Farhan Zaidi is not heavyhanded, but it was too late for Bochy to unretire? Bochy said he might want “one more shot.” What Tequila do you like, Boch? This one’s on me. The president will attend Game 5 of the World Series on Sunday night in D.C., but he said he will not throw the ceremonial first pitch. Possibly because the Nationals’ radar gun doesn’t go up to 120 mph. What are the odds on the Warriors giving up 150 points in a game this season? What would that be called, a Golden Matador? Very cool moment before the start of the Warriors’ season opener, as Al Attles tossed up the ceremonial jump ball. But somebody should have alerted Clippers center Ivica Zubac, who gave Al a quickie handshake and didn’t seem to realize what the deal was: This gentleman is a deep part of the very soul of the NBA. Sorry, Michael Jordan. Stephen Curry can average 1.3 points this season and he’s still a lock for the Hall of Fame. Unless you’re the gatekeeper. If it’s any consolation, Jordan, I’ve got you on my AllTime Exciting Player Team. In no special order, it’s you, Magic, Pistol Pete, Dr. J, and (drumroll, please) Curry. With Kobe and Dominique coming off the bench. Sorry, Colin Kaepernick, the running quarterback will never be effective in today’s NFL. Lamar Jackson ?Amirage. Man, China really misread America. Had the Chinese government and basketball authorities ignored that Daryl Morey tweet, it would have died a quiet death. Instead, outside many NBA arenas protesters are handing out “Free Hong Kong” Tshirts. Tshirts are the new nuclear weapon. San Francisco’s old guard will tell you it’s uncool, in fact sacrilegious, to call The City “Frisco” or “San Fran.” With a nod to one of the true sports legends of City history, I like to call the place BigTime Sanny Fran.

Scott Ostler is a San Francisco Chronicle columnist. Email: sostler@sfchronicle.com Twitter: @scottostler

D. Ross Cameron / Special to The Chronicle Fans stand for the national anthem before the Warriors’ first regularseason game at Chase Center. Each of them knew where they were thanks to big block letters on the side of the court.