‘I WAS READY TO DIE’

Through nearly all of it, he was conscious, remembering every painful detail. This is his diary of his battle with the coronavirus. With no health insurance and alone in his home, Rafael Arias spent weeks fighting for his life, sometimes hallucinating an

Surely, Rafael Arias thought, it must have been the spicy fish and rice he’d eaten the day before. The 42yearold Oakland restaurant worker could think of no other reason for suddenly feeling ill.

It was late March, and the novel coronavirus had begun to take hold in the Bay Area. On March 22, the day after Arias felt those first symptoms, California postponed jury trials, Hayward opened a free driveby testing site, and Alameda County, where more than 100 cases had been reported, announced its first COVID19 death. The week before, the Oakland restaurant where Arias had worked as a barback closed its doors.

As his fever, aches and confusion worsened, Arias sensed he might have the virus. He decided to begin chronicling his days in a handwritten journal, to memorialize what he believed might be a descent to death.

Researchers at Johns Hopkins University estimate that more than 545,000 people in the United States have recovered from bouts of coronavirus. Those suffering the worst cases are frequently intubated and placed into medically induced comas. If they survive, they wake up not remembering the weeks their immune systems battled to keep them alive. Not Arias.

With no health insurance and alone in his home, he spent weeks fighting for his life, sometimes hallucinating and gasping for air. Through nearly all of it, he was conscious, remembering every painful detail.

“I was alone, so I had nobody to talk to about what to do,” he said. “I was fighting with coronavirus by myself, just me with my ideas.”

His handwritten journal would fill 17 pages. He shared it with The Chronicle, along with an abridged English translation and a letter he wrote to God and his family when he thought he was near death. He also spoke in detail with a reporter about his travails and provided a tour of his 558squarefoot house where his battle with the virus took place.

What follows is Rafael Arias’ account of his painful journey, in his own words.