San Francisco Chronicle - (Sunday)
Creative ideas for our postmask future.
From origami to a hamster hammock, there’s no end to the creative solutions
I keep my eyes down when I am walking, so as to cope with cracks in the sidewalk, discover discarded treasures and intervene when Greenberg attempts to chow down on tossedaway amusebouches. But what I see most often — soiled by muddy footprints, sodden in sudden storms, folded, wadded, twisted, trampled and torn — are face masks.
At the start of the pandemic, face masks were ominous novelties. We wondered where every potential victim/spreader would get a mask, whether an average pair of ears would stand up to the challenge of holding it on, whether there was any way to stop spectacles from fogging and or long hair from tangling in the knots of masks that tied in the back. Now the mask has become a familiar object. Most people keep multiple versions by their front doors, spares in purses and glove compartments. Pretty has become irrelevant. Humorous is barely worth a smile (which can’t be seen anyway). Designer versions are pretentious. Paper ones, like tissues, are effective but made to be disposable. Cloth ones are decorative, but elastic gets stretchy after repeated washings, and many favorites go astray. People have gotten careless with them.
One day flea market tables will be heaped with masks, as they were heaped with Beanie Babies 15 years ago. One day medical historians will curate hospital lobby exhibits of these paper and cloth artifacts. Grandparents will show off their old masks — “This is what I wore when Lady Gaga sang at Joe Biden’s inauguration” — to their grandkids.
So, when all this is over, what are we going to do with all those masks? I have some ideas, and Facebook friends, noted below, have provided others, sorted here in this EZ2U’s guide.
Food and dining: A protective carrier, looped over wrist, for a banana; heatproof burritoholder; strapon knuckle protector for grating potatoes; colander for cooked carrots; a portable and recyclable hot sundae tote; individual picnic cutlery carrying case; grapefruit cosy (Meg Mackay); coffee filters (Carolyn Jones); cocktail napkins (Margot Duane).
Beauty and personal products: A postvaccination icepack holder for the upper arm (Cynthia Robins); pillow protector for guys who use Just for Men on their mustaches; hidetheherpes face covering; automatic wearable lipstick blotter; fivefingersatonce nail polish remover pad; pantyliners (Kathleen Maililard Solmssen); nevermindBotox mask (Darryl Forman).
Socialization aids: A duncecap like punishment for a naughty child (Nancy Stern); Christmas gifts for enemies; firstdate necessity for the dentally impaired (Alan Kaufman). Write a love letter on it and use the elastic as a slingshot to send it to your object of affection (Oceana Rain Stuart).
Travel: Antimacassar cloth protector for car driver’s headrest; feedbags for snacks in transit ( Jesse Rosenquist).
Pet supplies: Wipes for removal of dog eye boogers; bras for obese cats (Chris FitzGerald); sling for broken bat’s wing (Ron Turner); dog bandanas (Richard Goldman); swings for gerbil habitats (Erika Mailman, Brandon Mercer); poop bags for chihuahuas (Bertie Brouhard); diapers for Yorkies (Denise Rasmussen); hamster hammocks (Ann Trinca); hats for smallheaded pets (Meg Mackay).
Wearables: A bikini (Jennifer Raiser, Lynn Valente, Jack Fischer, Suzanne Locke, Paul McHugh, Dan St. Paul, Roberta Roberts); sore toe protective insert for rubber boots; infant’s sun protector beanie; bra (Eileen May Garchik); sleep mask (Andrea Carla Michaels); airplane passenger sleep mask (Oceana Rain Stuart); face warmer (Judith Rascoe, Dan Spaeth, Ellen Miller); shoulder pads (Lisa Geduldig); wearable handkerchief (Oceana Rain Stuart); bonnet (Paul McHugh, Lani Ka’ahumanu); elbow and knee patches (Lucie Faulknor); yarmulkes (Tom Ammiano, Bob Kaplan, Sandi Luna); jock straps (Joe Mac); disguise for bankrobbers (Cynthia Gregory, Harold Rosenthal); hairband and kneepads (Bonnie Metzger).
Home and garden: Decorative collar for plant clay pots; quilting patch (Tori Ritchie, Katie Rue Jones, Janet Nedeau, Bryna Zamchick OShea, Marian Chatfield Taylo, CiCi Stewart, Merle Goldstone, Maxine Carlin, Donna Casey, Marie Estorge, Cia Townsend, Rosemary Baker); dust rag (Anne Winters); covers for naked light bulbs (Reed Kirk Rahlmann); dust covers for World’s Best Mother souvenir cups ( John Turner); change purse that may be looped on doorknob (Stephanie Crowley, Dale Hoyt).
Recreation and nature: Sling for golf balls (Meg Mackay); doll bonnets (Tara Jo Siegel); colorful sails for ittybitty sailboats (Jack Sugrue); parachutes for bottle caps (Alan Bamberger); shopping bag at a miniatures store (Dan St. Paul); trickortreatwear (Nedra Ruiz); wildfire airfiltration device ( Jan Wurm, Bruce Shapiro).
Ritual regalia and nostalgia: Pandemic nostalgia party costume (George Post); accessory for COVIDtheme bar mitzvah; employ in giant throwingaway ceremony at Civic Center (Ellen Miller); a new “Burning Mask” celebration at Baker Beach (Kelsey Siegel); mail to MaraLago, C.O.D. (Steve Heilig).
Preservation: Save for next pandemic (Kathy Duby Terry Phillips, Andrew Moss, Beth Jarecki Singer, Elizabeth KoehlerPentacoff; Jim McDaniel, Diana Andrews Hall, Laura Merlo, Barbara Early).
Finally, one Facebook friend who responded didn’t offer a suggestion for mask reuse, but did bring up a challenge of the postpandemic period: “I feel for the entrepreneurs who created mask businesses which will shrink when this is past,” wrote Judi Lempert Greene. Maybe Congress will get it together enough to pass a maskmaker stimulus program.