Landlord gets pulled into renter’s drama

Dear Abby: I’m a retired widow who took in a renter in his 60s a ew years ago. At the time, he had mo ed rom another part o the state or a job that lasted only o r months. As a res lt, he co ld no longer pay his ll rent. I empathi ed with his sit ation and co ldn’t throw him o t to li e in his car. The man is clean and respect l o my home as well as my personal space. He has sent co ntless res mes aro nd or a job, with no l ck. These days, he seems to be always r strated and angry with e eryone, incl ding his doctor’s o ice sta , and I ha e to hear all abo t it. I tried to mediate his r strations to no a ail. I ha e reached a point where I eel he is creating a hea y atmosphere o negati ity in my home.

How do I handle this? I don’t want to throw him o t, yet I am li ing with g ilt.

— J st Abo t Had It in florida

Dear Just About Had It: Yo are kind, nderstanding and yo ha e done yo r darndest, b t yo cannot sol e this man’s employment problems or him. He may s er rom depression at this point. Beca se he’s not getting along with the sta at his doctor’s o ice, he may need co nseling thro gh yo r co nty department o mental health. Please s ggest it. Since he has been yo r “g est” or so long, it wo ld be in yo r interest to disc ss yo r sit ation with yo r attorney. It may not be easy to get him o t o yo r home, which is something yo may need to consider or yo r own mental health.

Dear Abby: for years I ha e been contin ally excl ded by my sister and my ather. I always knew she was the a orite. I am the older sister. My sister, her amily and my ather and stepmother go o t to dinner or l nch together once or twice a week. I ha e ne er been in ited. The same is tr e with mo ies and other recreational acti ities. (I work two nights a week and e ery other Sat rday. None o them work more than Monday thro gh friday — and no nights.)

They ha e now anno nced they are all going on a cr ise together. Altho gh I was not in ited, they were “kind” eno gh to ask me to watch their pets in their absence (se en dogs and three cats).

Clearly, I am only good eno gh to be their babysitter. I ha e always had a hard time saying “no” to Dad abo t anything. When I was irst asked abo t watching the animals, I did re se. Howe er, they are still telling e eryone that I’m watching them.

How can I tell them “no” and make it stick? Also, how do I go abo t letting go o the h rt eelings when I am excl ded rom e erything in their li es?

— H rt and feeling Le t O t

Dear Hurt: Get the message across to yo r ather and sister by INfORMING them they will need to board their pets elsewhere d ring their acation. As to letting go o yo r h rt eelings, a step in the right direction wo ld be to accept that yo were born into a amily o di ic lt, challenging people, and nderstand that yo will ne er be able to satis y yo r ather.

Then start b ilding a “amily” o riends who are caring and s pporti e. Many people do this with great s ccess, and so can yo .