Marriage failed — do gifts go back?

Dear Abby: When a friend’s daughter married several years ago, I gave her shower and wedding gifts. Two months after the wedding, I received a thank-you note in which a form letter was enclosed that read, “We are getting a divorce.” I was shocked not only by the news, but also that my gifts were not returned.

This young woman is now marrying again. Am I obligated to give her more gifts?

Confused in Massachusetts Dear Confused: The rule of etiquette when a couple divorces after a short time is that any unused wedding gifts go back to the givers. To return cookware, linens, etc., that have been used is impractical, so please don’t hold a grudge.

If you attend the second wedding for your friend’s daughter, a gift is in order. Dear Abby: I recently began a new job, and have one problem. Every day, my boss, “Harold,” asks me what I’m doing for lunch. If I say I brought my lunch, he wants to eat with me; I just think he hates being alone. I feel my lunch break is my time to use as I please.

I don’t believe the woman who worked for him before me had a problem with this, but I do. How do I tell him no without offending him?

Lunch Buddy in South Carolina Dear Lunch Buddy: Tell your boss politely but firmly that you need your lunch hour to perform personal tasks — go shopping, make personal phone calls or catch up on some reading. You are entitled to that break time, and that is what it should be used for. Dear Abby: A family member who has six cats wants to have the Thanksgiving meal at her house. Every time I eat there, I find cat hair on the table, on the plates and in the food. I don’t want to cause hard feelings, but how do I handle this? I’m allergic to cats.

Hold the Fur in Amarillo, Texas Dear Hold the Fur: Your health must come first. Arrange to celebrate Thanksgiving elsewhere and curtail your visit. If the relative attempts to “guilt” you into changing plans, explain that you have become allergic to cat hair and dander and your doctor has instructed you to avoid exposure. Dear Readers: Sunday is Veterans Day, and I would like to take this opportunity to thank not only our veterans, but also those men and women who are still on active duty for their service to our country.

Abby Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or www.dearabby.com.