Abusive husband wants wife to come back home

Dear Abby: In the beginning of our marriage there was physical abuse and marital rape. I stayed anyway. Over the years we had two children. My husband, “Seth,” has refused to talk about any issues we have. During the last few years, my youngest son has also become physically abusive to me. I tried to leave many times but failed until a year ago when, because I had a heart attack, I moved in with family.

Seth now wants to talk about our issues. He suggested that I come back home. He has medical problems, so I was taking care of all the household chores and working two jobs. I no longer love my husband. He wants to romance me and try to make me love him again. He feels I “owe” him a chance to prove that he loves me and can change. Am I wrong for leaving and letting go? I’m confused. Letting Go in Florida Dear Letting Go: You owe this man nothing! If you allow Seth to romance you into coming back to take care of him, you will wind up where you started. Your son abuses you because that is what he saw his father doing — and you allowed it. If you stand your ground now, it will show that abuse is not to be tolerated. I hope you will teach him that lesson. Dear Abby: Four months ago my wife started wearing more makeup, perfume and trying new things with her hair. Recently, I found out that someone has been flirting with her. Our sex life has decreased over the last few months. She barely speaks to me and spends most of her time on Facebook. She refuses to discuss our relationship, and I suspect she may be looking for someone new or has already found him. I just don’t get it. I love her. We have been married for nine years. Please help me to understand.

Feeling Lonely Dear Feeling Lonely: Your wife may not want to discuss your relationship, but sometimes it’s the things people least want to talk about that most need to be. Tell your wife you have noticed the changes in her behavior and in your level of intimacy. Tell her you love her and feel your marriage is threatened. If she still doesn’t want to discuss your relationship, tell her it’s time you go see a therapist together. If she doesn’t agree, then get some counseling without her. Dear Abby: Do you field more questions from unmarried couples living together than from married couples? I can only judge from what is printed.

Inquisitive in Virginia Dear Inquisitive: That’s an interesting question. Frankly, I have never broken down the letters into categories like “married” or “cohabiting.” Married or not, their relationship questions interest me, or I wouldn’t print them.