She wants to help shy guy find love be­fore it’s too late

San Francisco Chronicle Late Edition - - DATEBOOK - Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or www.dearabby.com. By Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: My friend “Russ” is a sweet, quiet, re­served guy with a goofy side. He’s in his mid-20s but has never kissed a girl or gone out on a date. (He is the kind of per­son girls re­gard as a brother fig­ure.) He has no con­fi­dence and doesn’t drink, dance or let loose. I have seen his dat­ing pro­files, and they are bru­tally un­ap­peal­ing. I want to help Russ find some­one be­fore it’s too late. I hate see­ing him lonely. He needs some­one to give him a chance and help him learn to be more con­fi­dent. I know it’s wrong to try to change some­one, but I feel if he doesn’t get some help, no one will ever give him the time of day. He needs a sense of ad­ven­ture and, frankly, a change of wardrobe. How can I help this “good boy” get the at­ten­tion of the ladies? Amanda in Wy­oming

Dear Amanda: You are a good friend. Talk to Russ and ask if he would be open to a bit of “coach­ing” to im­prove his so­cial life. Tell him you have seen his dat­ing pro­files and of­fer to help him tweak them. If new pho­tos are needed, sug­gest you go shop­ping to­gether for a new out­fit (or two), so he will have a more “con­tem­po­rary” look. If he needs to learn to dance, show him some steps. He may ac­cept some help if you ap­proach the sub­ject with sen­si­tiv­ity. How­ever, I’m not sure how much more than that you can do be­cause, in the end, Russ is go­ing to have to find a girl whose val­ues mir­ror his own.

Dear Abby: Our 2-year-old grand­daugh­ter is us­ing “dirty words” dur­ing her vis­its with us. We have tried ig­nor­ing her, and also pop­ping her on the bot­tom while say­ing “no.” Her mother uses this lan­guage, so this sit­u­a­tion is very con­fus­ing for our grand­daugh­ter. Please help. Con­fused in the South

Dear Con­fused: Some­one needs to ex­plain to the mother that the “dirty words” her daugh­ter is be­ing taught are nor­mal are sure to cre­ate prob­lems for her when she’s old enough for school. Per­haps it will be the wake-up call she needs to clean up her vo­cab­u­lary. How­ever, if that isn’t ef­fec­tive, then it’s up to you to teach your grand­daugh­ter that dirty words can­not be used in your home. Re­ward her when she re­mem­bers, re­mind her when she for­gets and in­sti­tute penal­ties if it per­sists. That’s how kids learn, and you will be do­ing her a fa­vor if you start early.

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been mar­ried for 50 years. We were both raised in a con­ser­va­tive re­li­gion, but haven’t at­tended Sun­day ser­vices in a long time. I have be­come more lib­eral than my wife over the years, and I re­cently at­tended a ser­vice at a lib­eral, in­ter­na­tion­ally rec­og­nized church. I felt I be­longed im­me­di­ately. I had never be­fore felt so happy to be with like­minded wor­shipers. My wife had huge is­sues with it, and the next time I wanted to at­tend, she got very up­set. There was an ici­ness around the house for three days af­ter I went.

That was a month ago, and I haven’t gone again. I re­sent my wife’s re­sis­tance. This com­ing Sun­day, I plan to tell her I’ll be “go­ing out” and will be back in a cou­ple of hours. No doubt she’ll know I’m at church, and I’ll pay the price with her cold at­ti­tude or tears. Does she have a right to tell me I can’t at­tend a par­tic­u­lar church? Moved by the Spirit

Dear Moved: No, she does not! In light of the fact that you haven’t at­tended church to­gether in years, she should be happy for you.

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