Deep thoughts, cheap shots & bon mots ...

At a St. Patrick’s Day event, Cowboys’ budding superstar Ezekiel Elliott pulled down a woman’s shirt, exposing her breast. Elliott is under investigation by the league for a domestic violence incident last summer (he was not arrested or charged). He will soon grace the covers of a hundred football magazines. Meanwhile, unemployed evil villain Colin Kaepernick worked with other activists to persuade a Turkish airline to fly a disaster-relief mission to Somalia.

It’s probably coincidental, but the Warriors have been playing better defense ever since Joe Lacob, courtside at Oracle, showed his guys how to get into a defensive stance.

Now if Joe can just show Zaza Pachulia how to execute an alley-oop dunk.

Andre Iguodala is fined $10,000 for “inappropriate comments” after saying, “I do whatever master say” when asked about sitting out a game for rest purposes. The league should’ve fined Iguodala another $10,000 for leaving us all even more confused by his “explanation.”

The Warriors’ best freethrow shooter all time? It’s a toss-up between Stephen Curry and Rick Barry. Entering Saturday, they ranked No. 3 (.9037) and No. 4 (.8998) on the all-time NBA freethrow percentage list. Barry now does his free-throw shooting on a TV commercial. Note: Barry’s youngest son, Canyon, a 6-foot-6 guard at Florida, is shooting 88 percent from the line. Underhanded.

By the way, Curry is breathing down the necks of Steve Nash (.9043) and Mark Price ( .9039) on the all-time list. Guess who is No. 14? Kevin Durant (.882).

Can’t wait ’til sometime during this season when we get a look at 21-year-old infield phenoms Franklin Barreto of the A’s and Christian Arroyo of the Giants.

Can’t wait to see what team Barreto has been traded to.

The Raiders sign Cordarrelle Patterson, speedy kickoff-return threat, and somewhere Al Davis sneers his approval.

Why did the Giants bother bringing Mark Melancon to spring training? Just have him report to AT&T Park on April 1. This guy shows up ready to roll. Apparently Melancon went home after last season, did his laundry, repacked his suitcase and sat by the front door all winter, pounding his fist into his glove until it was time to head to Arizona.

Manny being Manny-san: Manny Ramirez inked a contract with a Japanese team, the Kochi Fighting Dogs (no, not managed by Michael Vick). Manny’s contract guarantees him a car and driver, excuses him from team practices and provides him unlimited free sushi.

Perfect timing, the 49ers’ signing of center Jeremy Zuttah. I was working on a poem and couldn’t come up with a rhyme for Utah.

I know he pronounces it ZOO-tuh, not ZOO-taw, but grant me some poetic license.