Taking a sideways look at sideline TV interviews
During sideline interviews in NBA telecasts, that whirring sound you hear is Philo T. Farnsworth spinning in his grave.
Farnsworth invented TV, but had he known his baby would devolve into a platform for the sideline coach interview, he would have shifted his energy to inventing something useful, like a solar-powered hula hoop.
What’s scary is that there are massively paid network executives who watch those interviews and say to themselves, “Gad, this is great TV.”
The interviews are recorded during timeouts and shown during live action, because every TV viewer, given his or her choice, would prefer to have the game action crammed into a tiny box in the corner of the screen to give full attention to Gregg Popovich reducing the sidecare line reporter to tears of shame and remorse. Typical recent exchange: Reporter (she shall go nameless; it’s not her fault): “How did you get your team to go back to playing Spurs’ basketball?”
Popovich: “That’s what they’re supposed to do.”
Incidentally, since Popovich shows more withering contempt for these mandatory interviews than does any other coach, I assume he donates to charity whatever portion of his paycheck is attributable to the NBA’s television revenue. Like 93 percent.
Since the sideline interview isn’t going away, maybe it can be improved. How about adding a third party, a clown with a seltzer bottle? Utter a cliche, whether question or answer, and receive a snootful.
“We just need to take better of the basketball. Hey! Hey!”
Or, maybe the reporters could lob more creative questions, like:
Instead of Spurs’ basketball, why not have your guys play Warriors’ basketball, since it works better? Pinot or Chardonnay? What is your go-to karaoke song, and please sing your answer.
If you were me, what would you ask you?
Is this a fine kettle o’ fish you’ve gotten yourself into, or what?
Would you rather be unsung or overrated?
If your team takes better care of the basketball, will it last longer?
Which phrase is more annoying — “Score the basketball” or “the painted area”?