Deep thoughts, cheap shots & bon mots ...

Dos Equis’ new Most Interesting Man in the World doesn’t crack my top-billion list.

The NFL announced it would not discipline Gareon Conley even if he is found guilty of rape, since the alleged incident occurred before he was drafted. What a relief for the alleged victim! Now she won’t have to carry around the guilt of messing up a football team.

Says Draymond Green, hoisting another three-pointer: “I’ll see your Stifle Tower and raise you the Arc de Triomphe.”

Latest move in the Las Vegas Limbo, that city’s bend-over-backwards dance to the Raiders, is selling them 60 acres at a sweet discount — $22.5 million off the $100 mil price tag. Next Vegas is going to comp Mark Davis’ tab at all-you-can-eat-wings Wednesday at Hooters.

Lonzo Ball and his dad have hit the market with $495 sneakers, and all of us should thank the Ball family for making us feel good about America. My sources say they settled on that price point when LaVar Ball told the marketing people, “There are a lot of kids out there who just can’t afford $500 for basketball shoes.”

Coolest sight at the reunion of the We Believe Warriors: Stephen “Stack Jack” Jackson wearing shades. He’s so cool I’m surprised he didn’t wear those when he played.

Stack Jack has expressed interest in becoming an assistant coach. He would be such a wildly bad fit for the Warriors that I’d be surprised if the evercreative Steve Kerr hasn’t at least considered it.

The A’s won’t promote superprospect Franklin Barreto for at least five more weeks, even though he’s tearing up Triple-A, because that would make him eligible for arbitration one year sooner. What diff does it make? If Barreto turns out to be a solid big-leaguer, he’ll be long gone by then.

49ers coach Kyle Shanahan says the worst-case scenario of drafting Reuben Foster, who has a questionable shoulder, is Foster having to sit out next season. How about this worsethan-worst-case-scenario scenario: Foster plays, reinjures the arm worse than it was injured in the first place.

A New York sports fan died. He was a plumber. In his honor, his good friend is sprinkling the dead man’s ashes in toilets at sports stadiums. Don’t bother sending donations to help this man on his mission. He’s flush.

The pal who is flushing the plumber’s ashes, as part of his ritual, performs the ceremony only while the game is in progress. But if this guy is going for deep symbolism, he should flush the ashes at the crack of dawn.

And leave a bill for $300.