Cold reality about party to reveal gender: It’s a bore
Dear Miss Manners: I am pregnant and would like to throw a gender-reveal party, but I worry that this might be construed as a rude attempt for gifts. I don’t want any gifts; this isn’t a baby shower, nor am I expecting one. I just want to share the joy with family and friends, provide food and games. But would the whole idea still be considered tacky?
Gentle Reader: Yes. Believing that you simply want to share the news, Miss Manners hates to be a wet blanket (in a gender-neutral color, of course). But she feels compelled to tell you something that will save you time and friendships in the future that is about to become yours:
Not everyone is as excited as you are about every detail of your child’s life, let alone the prelife. It is best to know this now, before you start going on social media announcing baby’s first spit-up or throwing parties for when he or she sleeps through the night.
The particular new ritual you mention — and there really isn’t a correct term for this event — is farcical. Cakes are cut to reveal pink or blue insides, bets are taken, and teams are formed.
An acquaintance of Miss Manners’ who attended such an event said that the mother-to-be was so distraught when she didn’t get the gender she wanted that she started blaming the guests for jinxing it. It is no wonder that guests assume that a present is required as the price of admission to these absurd theatrics.
The fact is that you will actually get more profound and prolonged joy if you reveal (or “identify”) the gender (or “sex”) one by one to individuals who you think might genuinely be excited by the news. There will be plenty of parties in your future filled with games and silly cakes. Save the fun for then. Dear Miss Manners: I have a dear friend who is marrying for the third time and is going to do a bridal registry. Her future husband is 81 (she is 73) and very, very wealthy.
They will have two homes — a condo on the beach and the primary residence. She says that they need new pots and pans for the condo, as she thinks his are too old. Also, any friends she invites will not be permitted to bring a spouse, fiance, etc. They are having a brunch.
This attitude doesn’t feel appropriate. Please let me know if I am seeing it wrong.
Gentle Reader: Do you really have any trouble seeing through it? If so, Miss Manners is sorry to be the one to tell you that your dear friend is more interested in pots than people.
Dear Miss Manners: I work at a state hospital where we receive lots of prisoners from the state Department of Corrections facilities. For this reason I, as well as other employees and visitors, frequently run into prisoners as they are being escorted to their varying destinations.
It has become a big debate in my office on what is the appropriate way to handle this situation. Do you ignore them as if they were not there, or do you acknowledge their presence with a polite “Hi”?
Gentle Reader: It is Miss Manners’ understanding that hospitals are dedicated to helping all people, without prioritizing them according to their moral worth. She hopes that you will apply this principle to the way you treat them as human beings. If you customarily greet patients and visitors in the hallways, you should do so to them all.