Facebook friends cross line from sharing to boasting

Dear Miss Manners: My Facebook friends have wonderful lives, and I am glad for them. They have the best boyfriend/ girlfriend/husband/wife. (“Yeah, be jealous,” demands one young lady about the man in her life.) Their sons and daughters win academic and sports awards and are the most thoughtful beings on the planet.

They enjoy relaxing/exciting/ exotic vacations. They build huge houses and plant lovely gardens. Their grandbabies become more and more adorable with each passing week. As some will put it, they are “blessed.”

How does one know when one has crossed the line between “sharing” with 100 of one’s closest friends and boasting?

Gentle Reader: “Sharing” is a word best used to teach small children to allow other small children access to toys. The activity it now describes teaches the contradictory lesson of It’s All About Me.

It is one thing to share good news with intimates who you know will rejoice for you, and for whom you have reciprocal empathy. Shouting from the housetops, however — especially now that one is so easily able to reach untold numbers from there — is another.

The test Miss Manners suggests applying is what reaction is expected from the recipients of one’s announcements. Not everyone is so frank as the young lady who said, “Yeah, be jealous,” but that seems to be the general motivation. Dear Miss Manners: My sister was hostessing a luncheon for 12, and to her dismay, a guest showed up with her own guest, announcing to my sister, “I knew you wouldn’t mind.”

There was the table set for 12, which was all it would comfortably accommodate, with the china service for 12 laid out on the best tablecloth.

I think I’d have been frozen in the doorway, but my sister let them in, despite her shock, and tried to conceal that she was

laying a stray extra plate at a hastily added place.

Please, Miss Manners, what would be the correct thing to do in such circumstances?

Gentle Reader: The wisest thing to do, whenever someone says, “I knew you wouldn’t mind,” is to run. No good will follow.

Unfortunately, your sister was not in a position to do this, as she was at home with guests. Miss Manners congratulates her for behaving politely.

A compromise that might squeak through as accidental would be to say sweetly to the offender, “I’m sure you won’t mind squeezing in a bit to make room for your friend,” and seating her diagonally with the corner of the table toward her. Dear Miss Manners: My son’s ex-wife is pregnant with my grandchild. Their separation has been tense, especially with her family blaming my son for the breakup.

I have been invited to her baby shower, where her mother and family will be. I really don’t feel comfortable attending, knowing how the family has treated my son, but the baby’s mother really wants me there.

Should I go, and if not, how do I get out of it without hurting the baby’s mother’s feelings? Gentle Reader: That the person who will be rearing your grandchild still considers you family is something you want to encourage. Having recommended a cool reception for those who, unlike yourself, have done something wrong, Miss Manners can assure you that, though unpleasant, it is not fatal. And it is nothing compared with being dependent on a judge’s order to see your grandchild.