Her tales of hospice work wear her loved ones down
Dear Abby: My mother has been a hospice volunteer for six months. The problem is, all she ever talks about anymore is the families and patients she helps. I’m tired of coming home from school or work and hearing about her latest patient’s family drama or the details about how they died. My grandmother, who also lives with us, is burned out from it, too. I have changed the subject or asked her politely several times not to continue telling me these stories, to no avail. I have also mentioned that it is a violation of HIPAA laws, but her answer is, “Not if I don’t tell you their names, and you don’t repeat these stories.” My boyfriend doesn’t like to come over anymore because he thinks her stories are morbid. Moving out is not an option, or I would already be gone. Help!
Tired of Morbid Stories Dear Tired: Your mother is doing extremely stressful work. It’s possible she needs to vent to relieve it. However, for her to repeatedly dump on you is wrong. That said, there’s no law you have to listen, so if she persists, leave the room. I agree that what she’s doing is a violation of HIPAA, which could cost her her position, so suggest that if she needs to de-stress, she should go jogging or keep a journal. Dear Abby: I’m in my mid-20s. I’ve done a lot in my life that I’m proud of. But one nagging issue I have is that I have never been in a relationship or even been kissed. At first I felt proud of my independence and for not throwing myself into silly relationships. But as I see my friends enter new phases of their lives that I haven’t experienced — a first kiss, a significant other, love and marriage — it’s increasingly hard not to feel left behind. I have a hard time talking to my friends about it because I don’t want them to think of me as self-pitying. If the subject arises, I make a flippant comment and move on. I have tried waiting for the other person to make the first move. I have also tried being bold and direct. I throw myself into work and hobbies. But when every song, TV show and movie fixates on romantic love, it’s hard to not personalize it. In addition to asking for your advice, I’d like to pose a question to your readers: Are any of you in the same boat? And if so, what do you do to cope? Trying to Cope in Washington
Dear Trying: It’s time to talk frankly with your friends and ask them for some honest input. I don’t know whether you are simply a late bloomer or whether you are trying too hard and sending out “desperate” signals that drive people away. But of this I am certain: You are not alone in this lonely boat. Readers?