Kidman stands up for domestic violence victims

Nicole Kidman was honored on Sept. 17 with an Emmy for her role as an abused wife in the HBO series “Big Little Lies.” Glamorous in a red evening dress much praised by the fashion critics, she was the perfect representation of idealized Hollywood when she took the stage upon winning that award. But she used that platform to call attention to a national problem that’s decidedly ugly, involving victims, perpetrators and the hidden pain of America at its worst: domestic violence, sexual assault, bullying, childhood trauma.

A couple days later, at the Presidio in San Francisco, the actress took the stage again, as an honored guest at “Big Little Night,” a fundraiser for the nonprofit Futures Without Violence. Aware of the impact of a movie star in our culture, she was dressed in a strapless black gown to live up to that role. But it was more than a role, and she hadn’t just dropped in, as evidenced by her Emmy speech and by her deeds — she’d been there for 2010 groundbreaking ceremonies, and she has remained a dedicated supporter of Futures and its president and founder, Esta Soler.

Since that groundbreaking, said Soler in a brief conversation before the program started, progress has been made. In the past two decades, domestic violence against adults is down 60 percent. “But we’ve done not as good a job with young people. And now we are fighting to see that what we have put in place doesn’t unravel.”

A chunk of the budget of Futures, which trains “the courageous people on the frontlines” — including judges, medical personnel, shelter workers, teachers, coaches and more — in “preventing and responding to violence against women and children,” comes from the Department of Justice. In the current Washington climate, that support may be threatened. “We continue to try to diversify,” said board member

Susan Leal about the sources of financial support.

As to Kidman’s support, “We got handed the benefit of capturing her imagination,” said Soler. It was said that she had been asked to appear at this benefit, where her onstage conversation with ABC News’ Deborah Roberts was the centerpiece segment of the evening. Winning the Emmy “at this time in my life,” said Kidman, “was meaningful and deeply emotional. But I also wanted to stand up there and say something.”

After finishing a day’s work on set for “Big Little Lies,” she said, “I would go home afterward, with huge bruises on my back and neck.” Her co-star was Alexander Skarsgard, and “It wasn’t Alex’s fault,” she said. “So I would hide it because I didn’t want to shame him. It was strange. I would go to bed at night ... so disturbed, I would cry.” An actor’s body, she said, doesn’t know the difference between real abuse and acted abuse.

If there’s a second season for the show, Kidman said she hoped it would focus on healing.

P..S. The food at this party — a nonsit-down dinner in bite form — was abundant, much of it created by local restaurants, some from Paula LeDuc Fine Catering. After the program, an array of desserts were offered. A glimpse of Kidman in form-fitting gown, however, prevented at least one woman (me) from digging in. Thank you, Nicole. In the latest edition of neighborhood newspaper the New Fillmore, David Thomson writes about what most people still refer to as “the Kabuki,” the movie complex first taken over by Sundance, now run by AMC. It’s “not doing well,” he writes, citing nearly empty theaters, limited offerings in the refreshment stands. “Most importantly, it’s giving up on the movies too ... moving away from showing foreign films, cutting-edge documentaries and even classics.” One reason, he says, is that so many movie-lovers, especially young people, are streaming movies, watching from home, which he says is “OK, too, when it’s raining, if the coyotes are on the street, or if there are hints of some imminent disorder we dread. But staying home is also a kind of loneliness, while going to the movies once offered an illusion known as the company of strangers.”

Walking next to a woman pushing her dog in a baby stroller, Strange de Jim looked at her, looked at the dog and asked “Adopted?” In appreciation for not being the target of a punch in the nose, he should rename himself Lucky de Jim.

PUBLIC EAVESDROPPING “Before turning on your phone, I want you to think about data usage first.” Father to boy of about 6 years old taking out his cell phone at the Cooperage in Lafayette, overheard by Martin Berry