Here’s how to tell if you’re a Bay Area bandwagon fan
So, there we were, milling around near the water cooler in The Chronicle newsroom. One of my younger colleagues came up and started complaining about his friends.
“I’ve only lived here a few years, so they think I’m a bandwagon fan,” he moaned. Turns out his buddies were on his case because he’d been posting Warriors stuff online.
Ahh . ... Understood, my friend. Criticism of the fairweather fan, the late-comer to the party, dates back to ancient times. (“Look at that jerk in the Spartacus toga. I haven’t seen him out at the Coliseum.”)
So, step into my office and let’s talk. This is a tricky subject in the Bay Area, land of transplanted sports fans and distrustful natives. You don’t hear about this much in cities like Philadelphia, where you’re simply born a Flyers fan and then you die a Flyers fan ... whether you take your cheesesteaks wit wiz, or not.
The Bay Area is a much more complicated situation. There is a solid core of born and bred fans, who wear their allegiances proudly on their Subaru bumpers and their iPhone cases.
But there are also tons of people who move here to find work, for the great weather, to cultivate strange strains of cannabis, grow weird-looking beards and shake their cocktails for much too long. And some of these immigrants bring their sports loyalties with them. Go to any A’s-Red Sox game at the Coliseum, and you’ll see a sea of ex-Pats wearing wicked cool Carl Yastrzemski jerseys.
Let’s call this subset of Bay Area fans the “Disloyal Loyalists.” They don’t love Buffalo enough to actually live there, but damn it, they’ll never turn on their Bills.
Then there are the dilettante fans who move to the Bay Area from elsewhere, but never really followed sports much at home. I’ll call them the “Garlic Fry Converts.” Once they get out to a Giants game at AT&T for a thrilling 1-0 victory, they come back for the fries. A new fan is born.
Of course, the third major group is made up of the natives, known in this corner as the “Faithful Nation Divided.” They’ve had their teams since they were kids. If it was the Raiders, they hated the 49ers. If it was the A’s, they despised the Giants. If it was the Sharks, they got in a lot of fights in the cafeteria. Like Noah’s Ark, there are two of everything in Bay Area sports, and you need to choose sides early on.
(The Cal vs. Stanford thing is a bit more complicated. There are family legacies, regional geography and socioeconomic tensions at play. This could warrant an entirely separate column, but I’ll provide some handrails further down, so hang tight.)
So, where does the Bandwagon Fan fit into all this? This is a separate distinction that flows across all categories, representing a major insult to sports fan etiquette and deserving of scorn and ridicule. Kind of like being a Dodgers fan.
While the Dodgers fan has always been halfhearted and fickle, leaving Chavez Ravine as early as the third inning in good times or bad, the Bay Area bandwagon is a relatively recent development. It comes with winning. It’s been a crowded vehicle of late, ridership pumped up by a remarkable seven-year run starting with the Giants’ championship in 2010.
For much of that ride, the Giants’ wagon was most crowded, overflowing with Panda hats and “Let Timmy Smoke” signs. Then it was the 49ers’ turn, with the Harbaugh newbies wearing sweatshirts tucked into their khakis, discussing the wonders of the read-option offense. Finally, the Warriors emerged, their championship rings attracting thousands of new enthusiasts: “Why don’t they just let Steph shoot a three-pointer every time down the court?”
So, listen, there’s nothing horribly wrong with being a bandwagoner. It’s embarrassing, but understandable. Everyone loves a winner. But if you’re still wondering whether you fit the profile, ask yourself the following questions:
If you know who Vonteego Cummings was, then you’re not a bandwagon fan.
If your first Warriors jersey has the name “Durant” on the back, then you are.
If you own a Todd Fuller jersey, consult your physician immediately.
If you ever bought a giraffe hat in support of the Giants, you’re not only a bandwagon Giants fan, you’re a sucker.
If you don’t know why you bought a giraffe hat in the first place, stop reading this column.
Question: What did Rollie Fingers and John Matuszak have in common?
If you’ve ever worn a ski hat to a Giants game, then you’re not a bandwagon fan. You’re a Candlestick survivor.
If you’ve never worn a ski hat to a 49ers game, welcome to Santa Clara.
Answer: Great facial hair and Oakland championships.
For Sharks fans, you either know who Mike Ricci was, or you don’t. It’s that simple. Pop quiz: Who was Steve DeBerg? If you’re a Cal fan, but didn’t go there, go buy a Todd Fuller jersey, then follow previous directions.
If you’re a Stanford fan, but didn’t go there, good luck with your startup.
There you have it. The definitive bandwagon quiz for Bay Area sports fans. I’d be happy to adjudicate borderline cases. Just drop me a line.
I’ll close with the final, and most important, test question of all:
If it makes you happy, who gives a darn?