When seeking invitation, be prepared to offer one
Dear Miss Manners: When talking to a friend, if you ask what she’s doing for the evening and she tells you she’s free, is it wrong if you invite yourself over and offer to bring something?
Someone told me I should wait to be invited to someone’s house even though that someone is a friend. Please advise if I’m wrong for inviting myself. Gentle Reader: Yes, you must wait to be invited to someone’s home. If you are not just looking for a free meal or shelter, then invite the friend to your home or out somewhere for the evening.
Oh, all right. Miss Manners will tell you how to politely fish for an invitation as long as you promise never to ask directly:
After the friend says that he or she is free, suggest that you “do something together” and pause for a second to see if you are invited. If you are not, you must proceed with one of the other two plans. Dear Miss Manners: When offered a box of chocolate, does one pick up the candy and leave the brown paper behind, thus maintaining order in the box and accounting for those that are missing? Or does one remove the candy with the paper so as not to soil one’s fingers? Should gloves be removed first? Gentle Reader: Chocolates are not strictly subject to accountability. They may be picked up with the paper or not as you prefer. The paper, if taken, may then be returned to the box or held until a suitable receptacle is found.
Miss Manners is inclined to be flexible with chocolates, but not with gloves. They should always be removed before eating or drinking. Dear Miss Manners: For years I have wondered why, when someone feels the need to thank someone else, most begin with the phrase, “I would like to thank so-and-so for doing so-and-so.”
My complaint is that if one wishes to thank someone, one proper way is to say, “My thanks to so-and-so for so-and-so.” Or, “My heartfelt thank-you to soand-so.”
Why say, “I want to thank”? Why not go ahead and do it? Gentle Reader: Is it because there is no verb in the declaration you recommend?
Miss Manners does not usually fret about the literal meanings of common, inoffensive expressions that everyone understands. This year alone, it has saved her enough time to reread “Moby-Dick.”
But somehow your question got to her. She has used the expression herself, and your point has not frightened her into abandoning it. Upon reflection, she thinks that the part about wanting to thank emphasizes that it is not being said in a perfunctory way, but out of a genuine desire to express gratitude. Dear Miss Manners: What should a woman do after she has been kissed on the hand? I am not sure if there is some gesture or response the woman should offer to “complete” the sense of a greeting/acknowledgment. Gentle Reader: To respond to this gesture is to allow one’s hand to be approached. Not actually kissed, because a proper gentleman kisses an inch or two above the hand, and would never attempt to do even that to an unmarried lady.
Miss Manners warns you that this is not as passive or as easy as it sounds. Probably expecting a handshake, the lady will hold her hand stiffly vertical and so must gently rotate it to a horizontal position, allowing him to hold it from underneath while he kisses the air above the back of her hand.