Bride’s dual registry is bilking friends, relatives
Dear Miss Manners: At a recent bridal shower, I was dismayed when the bride received a duplicate of the gift that I had selected from her registry. As it turns out, she had intentionally registered for some of the same items from multiple stores, hoping that it would result in duplicate gifts.
Her goal is to be able to return the duplicates for store credit, which she can amass and apply to even more expensive items. Sadly, this was her mother’s idea!
I had thought that the purpose of a registry was to help giftgivers ensure that their gifts were things that the bride wanted and to prevent duplications.
As a gift-giver, I like to think that I am giving something that will be used and perhaps even remembered as having come from me. Now I’m left feeling that I might as well have given cash. What do you think of this manipulation of the registry system? Gentle Reader: Oh, a new scheme for bilking friends and relations! No doubt this family is congratulating itself on how subtly it launders the money.
As you say, you might as well hand over the cash.
Miss Manners maintains that the gift registry itself perverts the custom of giving presents, which are supposed to be chosen, and voluntarily given, as a symbol of thoughtfulness and good wishes.
This bride would have been unlikely to associate you with your present. You didn’t choose it; she did. Your only choice was which item on her shopping list to buy. Dear Miss Manners: Is there a tactful, or at least socially acceptable, way to articulate to your friends that it was your pleasure to reserve and pay for their hotel rooms in advance (as was required by the booking service) — but that now that the event is over, it would really be nice if everyone reimbursed you? Gentle Reader: Surely there was an understanding, before going into this, that everyone was to reimburse you, and your friends do not expect you to foot the entire bill. Yes? At any rate, Miss Manners asks you to give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they are just waiting for you to tell them the exact amount owed. Write to them, saying that you have received the hotel bill and it comes out to X amount per person. Include your address, even if you’re sure that they already know it. The message, after you state how happy you were to have them attend whatever event you gave, is a business transaction, and there is no shame in being businesslike about it. Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I are both in our early 30s and have been married for three years. Finally, we have been able to get the engagement ring we have always wanted.
I knew that there would be mixed emotions from people once the ring became public news, and since then we have received congratulations. Unfortunately, we have also been met with critical remarks, such as, “Of course you guys were able to afford a ring — you don’t have kids!”
I am not sure how to respond without being rude. Gentle Reader: Exactly how did your buying a ring become “public news”?
You made it, as you say, “public news.” And therefore you solicited reaction from the public.
Your response can be to say, “Well, it makes us happy,” stiffly enough so as to discourage further comment. Then you should resolve not to seek public approval of your private business when you are not also prepared to accept public disapproval.
Send questions to Miss Manners’ website: www.missmanners.com; to her email address: dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail: Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.