Unwilling father wants life to himself

Dear Abby: I joined the Navy after I learned I was becoming a father. I didn’t want to be a husband or father, but I did both. In 2010, my wife died. My feelings about being a husband and father never changed. Our two children are now grown and want me to move near — or in with — them. They say, “Won’t it be great to be with your grandkids?” No, it won’t!

I worked and supported my family. When I was in port, I went to baseball, softball and basketball games, had tea with my daughter and did everything I believe I should have done. I have served my time. I don’t want to “be close.” I don’t love them, and I didn’t love their mother. I did my duty to the best of my abilities both in uniform and in family. When we aren’t together, I’m happy.

How do I get them out of my life so that at age 52 I have my own life? I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I never wanted a family in the first place.

Never Wanted a Family Dear Never Wanted a Family: The one thing you should not do is express your feelings to your children as bluntly as you have to me. Because you don’t want to hurt them, a way to phrase it might be to say that having done your job as a parent to the best of your ability, you need time to yourself now. Be sure to make clear that it has nothing to do with them so they won’t think they are somehow to blame. Dear Abby: After reading your “timely” reminder about changing the batteries on smoke alarms and detectors, something occurred to my wife and me. Many homeowners have fire extinguishers, but may not realize these devices should be checked and periodically replaced. Almost all home fire extinguishers are non-rechargeable. Consequently, they come with the recommendation that they be replaced every 12 years. Neither my wife nor I has any connection with the fire safety industry or profession.

The way to check the device is to look at the gauge most extinguishers have. If the needle is in the green area, the extinguisher may still be usable. If there is no date on the extinguisher and the date of purchase is unknown, the expiration date can be determined by calling the manufacturer or going online to the manufacturer’s website. Thank you.

Patrick in Nevada Dear Patrick: Actually, Patrick, I should thank you for pointing this out.

Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or www.dearabby.com.

Universal Press Syndicate