Not sold on constant offers to buy friends’ merchandise

Dear Miss Manners: Iam confounded on how to reply to the numerous requests/demands from family and friends to buy whatever merchandise they are selling — such a variety of jewelry, miracle skin treatments, cleaning products, etc. This doesn’t even begin to cover all the times they sell things for their children.

It seems the only time they want to talk to me is when they want me to buy something or host an event at my home. I would never dream of inviting people into my home to sell them something.

Be assured that all these people are financially comfortable, and mainly do this as a way to make money while they stay at home and raise their children — a decision I fully support, if that is what they want to do.

However, I have bought all these people shower gifts, wedding gifts and baby gifts. I was happy to celebrate the happy occasions in their life. I married early and have no children, so it is not as if my contributing would be “payback” for gifts given to me.

I would like to know the best way to respond to these incessant requests. Ignoring them seems rude, but I don’t see any other way of dealing with it. Gentle Reader: How do you normally respond to the sales pitches with which we are all constantly bombarded?

By ignoring those that do not interest you, and responding to those that are made face-to-face with, “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested.” This is not rude: It saves both your time and theirs, and your money. So do that when your friends and relatives turn commercial. Dear Miss Manners: A coworker frequently brings sweet treats into the office to share with everyone. This seems like a generous thing to do. But she then spends the rest of the day telling everyone who partakes how she has been “good” by not eating the treat herself.

This tends to make those of us partaking in the treat feel guilty, which may or may not be her intention. As a side note, she is quite thin, while most of us could lose a few pounds.

Is there an appropriate rejoinder to her statements about being “good” without being rude, or am I just being overly sensitive? Gentle Reader: As you are comparing your weight to that of this co-worker, Miss Manners fears that this, rather than generosity, might indeed have been the intention. And it worked.

If you feel that a rejoinder is necessary in addition to your thanks, you might say, “Well, you should feel good about making others feel happy.” The reply is unlikely to be, “No, I feel good because I don’t give in to temptation the way I made you do, and that’s why I’m thinner than you, nyah, nyah.” Dear Miss Manners: I was taught in grade school by my music teacher that it is disrespectful to clap after the singing of the “The Star-Spangled Banner.” I have not clapped after the national anthem in more than 30 years. Is that wrong? Gentle Reader: You were taught correctly. It is an anthem, sung for the glory of the country, rather than to amuse the listeners or to congratulate oneself on having remembered the words, if not the tune.

However, as in the case of people who wear flag-themed clothing, Miss Manners notes that many have come to believe that ignoring the rules of respect is somehow indicative of patriotism.