Solving NFL, NBA mysteries
Burning questions for a cool, gray Monday morning ...
Which is the hotter acting duo right now: Streep and Hanks in “The Post,” or Brady and Belichick in “Ow, My Hand!”?
All that drama and secrecy just to make the Jaguars wonder if Tom Brady’s right hand is really injured?
The manufactured mystery plunged the Jaguars into such despair and confusion that they staggered to a 14-3 lead.
No Rob Gronkowski, no Julian Edelman, no problem? Apparently not. I’m guessing Danny Amendola and Dwight Clark, if they ever run into one another, will have a lot to discuss.
Has the team selection process for the NBA All-Star Game become too convoluted and complex?
Probably, considering that the All-Star Selection Process gets fan mail from the electoral college.
Suggestion to Stephen Curry and others who oppose picking the teams in public: Lighten up. You’re selecting teams for a game about which nobody cares, and is as meaningful as an office paper-airplane-throwing tournament and kegger.
How about: Pick teams, play the first half, let the team that’s behind at halftime trade any two of its players for any two of the other team’s players.
I still like my idea of splitting the All-Stars into four six-man teams, with sides chosen playground-style, and playing a one-day tournament of games to 15. Winning team takes home an enormous pot.
Is it possible to leave a wakeup call for one week before the start of the NBA playoffs?
I’m working on the app to make that happen.
Oklahoma City and Houston were jokes when the season opened, now they’re contenders. Cleveland was a lock for the Finals, now it’s wallowing in despair, but once LeBron James fires Tyronn Lue and hires another head coach the team will rise from the dead, and so on.
Who’s the NBA’s midseason Most Valuable Playa?
How about Mike D’Antoni? Everyone knew his radical threes-only offense was a gimmicky joke, and that it was pure folly to pair James Harden and Chris Paul.
That might yet turn out to be the case, but how did Harden and Paul look Saturday night, alone and together? If you want free drinks in Houston, walk into any bar there and announce, “The Splash Brothers can’t carry the jocks of Scowly and Disguise Guy.”
Doesn’t any coach who has the profound respect of Steve Kerr, as D’Antoni does, rate fear and admiration from all of us?
Yes. Now, will someone please remove the bitter lemon from D’Antoni’s Gatorade cup?
If D’Antoni, Bill Belichick and the Grim Reaper walk into a bar, does the bartender say, “You can stay, pal, but it’s Happy Hour, so your two friends will have to go”?
But who was that man celebrating the Patriots’ victory Sunday, raising his hands and smiling? Belichick’s got a nonevil twin?
Because every new ballpark and arena features statues of past heroes, who will adorn the Warriors’ coming arena?
They could go old-school, with Rick Barry, and/or Al Attles. Is it too early for Curry and Klay Thompson? Maybe a symbol of futility, like Joe Barry Carroll.
In related news, the Lakers added Elgin Baylor to their Staples Center statue garden, and only 20 years late. I submit that Baylor, an original L.A. Laker, was the spiritual godfather of Showtime, the style of exciting and entertaining ball that stamped those old Lakers as special, and stayed with the team through the decades.
Should the Super Bowl refs be reminded to not make it their show, because dammit, nobody is paying to watch them ref ?
Absolutely. The Super Bowl officiating crew should be instructed to call nothing and throw no flags, because most of the rules are unnecessary and intrusive, anyway. The players are all good sports and gentlemen; let ’em call their own penalties.
Now that the construction of the Warriors’ San Francisco arena is humming along nicely, can we know what will tickets cost?
No, because if you have to ask, you can’t afford ’em.
But because the Warriors will have to start selling tickets soon, the cloak of mystery will be lifted. Where fans will get the money to pay the jacked-up prices, that’s still a mystery. But if you own a Fortune 500 company or a chain of auto dealerships, don’t sweat it. How is Brady’s hand? One rumor is that Brady’s right hand suffered a concussion during the postgame celebration Sunday, but Belichick declined to comment, and Brady said, “We’ll see.”