Bride’s plan for second wedding complicates shower etiquette
Dear Abby: My younger sister is planning a destination wedding this summer. Recently she had a courthouse wedding for health insurance purposes because she’s going back to school fulltime. I am the matron of honor and she also has a maid of honor (which I am confused about; can you have both?). She is still planning her destination wedding because she won’t consider herself “really married” until the formal ceremony. Save-the-date notices were already sent. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable throwing a bachelorette party since she’s already married. She was fine with it, and mentioned the maid of honor may have a bonfire with their friends. I thought a lingerie bridal shower would be nice since they have been living together for some time and don’t need household items. Is a bridal shower appropriate after a wedding? I feel it should be lightheartedly disclosed on the bridal shower invitation that they are already married. Is this OK?
Jessica, Matron of Honor
Dear Jessica: If you wish to throw a lingerie shower, I think it would be sweet, although showers are technically not supposed to be hosted by family members. Her friends would probably enjoy it. But to disclose on the invitation that your sister is already married — lightheartedly or not — would be in poor taste.
Dear Abby: I have never had a good relationship with my father. He was extremely abusive and controlling when I was growing up. Regardless, I have tried to maintain a relationship with him — albeit a superficial one — now that I’m an adult. For the past few years, Dad has been seeing a woman my age. I have tried my best to maintain a relationship with her as well. The problem is, they are extremely touchy-feely when they’re together, and it makes me very uncomfortable. For example, they’re always rubbing each other, hanging on each other, or she sits on his lap when we’re out for drinks. I tried to talk to my father about it. He became extremely angry when I asked if they could keep it to a minimum around me. Moreover, they recently let it slip that they started dating before she was 18. I don’t feel comfortable with their relationship at all. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Uncomfortable in the West
Dear Uncomfortable: I don’t think so. Your feelings are your feelings, and you are entitled to them. Because being around your father and this young lady makes you uncomfortable, consider seeing him one-on-one, apart from her, if he can manage to separate from her for a halfhour or an hour.