How to plan for guests who arrive late for dinner

Dear Miss Manners: My mother was from the South, and accordingly she impressed upon me the fine art of entertaining guests in one’s home. I love to cook, and I truly prefer to cook dinner for friends over meeting at a restaurant.

My problem is that, invariably, every guest feels that an invitation for 6:30 can mean 6:45 or 7 p.m. This happens over and over again.

Needless to say, the dinner is completely overcooked.

What should I say when inviting guests to dinner?

I would think it was a not-sosubtle commentary on the quality of my cooking if I didn’t get besieged with requests for my recipes. Gentle Reader: Miss Manners is loath to question the hopes of Southern mothers, good cooks and hospitable hosts, and she lacks sympathy with tardy guests.

But you sound in need of a drink. It doesn’t have to be alcohol, and you don’t even have to drink it yourself. But you could save yourself angst by providing the usual half-hour in which those who arrive on time are served drinks and small nibbles.

When you issue invitations for 6:30, you should add, “We will be sitting down to dinner promptly at 7.” Not only will this warn the stragglers, but it will relieve those who time their arrivals to avoid the endless cocktail hours to which other hosts have subjected them.

You will have timed your food accordingly and should serve it at the announced time. Guests who arrive later should be seated then, and told graciously, “I knew you would want us to go ahead.”

Lest you feel rude about doing this, Miss Manners assures you that there is distinguished precedent for this. That Southern gentleman George Washington insisted that official dinners over which he presided would be served at the announced time, explaining that delay would upset the cook. In your case, you know that to be true. Dear Miss Manners: My mother passed away recently, and my brother, my sister and I miss her terribly. It is amazing to me the number of people who ask me if she “left us anything.” What’s a polite response that will let people know they are out of line? Gentle Reader: “She left us orphaned.” Dear Miss Manners: I frequent a coffee shop that has an extremely heavy door. I make a point of opening it or holding it open for others.

This always puts me at the back of the line. Never once has a group of women asked me to go in front of them after holding the door open for them. On the other hand, most times if I hold the door open for one or more men, they almost always ask me to go in front of them. What is the etiquette here? Gentle Reader: The difference in behavior might have more to do with number than gender.

If there are four or five ladies, the first of them will already be in line waiting for the others, who would all have to agree to move aside. But the gentlemen you cite do not seem to travel in groups, and thus would be approaching the line more or less the same time as you.

It would be gracious for everyone to reciprocate by allowing you to go first in line. But any time you hold the door for another person, you are putting yourself at the back of some line. Miss Manners takes comfort in the belief that there is a more important, if less immediate, reward in behaving well. Send questions to Miss Manners’ website: www.missmanners.com; to her email address: dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail: Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.