Scott Ostler:

The A’s hit it out of the park with their new pricing on parking.

The A’s, responding to questions and complaints about the price hike for parking this season, have issued an explanation.

Despite three consecutive last-place finishes and diminishing prospects that the team will build a ballpark in the current century, the A’s raised their parking fee from $20 to $30.

“We’re going to use the money to build a world-class parking lot,” a team spokesperson said. “Our loyal fans deserve nothing less than a state-of-theart parking venue, with all the amenities to enhance the game experience. We’re talking about asphalt, white lines, entrances, exits, all the bells and whistles.

“And our new lot will be designed to reflect the unique character and flavor of Oakland. The entire community can be proud of this lot.”

The spokesperson said the new lot would be constructed on the site of the present lot.

“We explored many other locations for a parking lot,” the spokesperson said. “We were close to a deal with Laney College, then someone came out of the admin office and told us to leave or they’d call the cops. We also studied the idea of a parking lot near Jack London Square. Fans would park on a toxic-waste site, then hop a passing southbound freight train and ride to the Coliseum, in what we planned to call the ‘Retro Hobo Experience.’

“In the end, we decided the current site was the most fanfriendly. It’s within walking distance of our ballpark, and it’s really flat.”

Upon completion of the project, the team will stage a gala grand opening, at which Joni Mitchell will sing an updated version of her classic hit, “They paved parking lot, and put up a parking lot.”

The A’s current $30 parking fee, noted the team spokesperson, is small compared with the $50 charge for the Giants’ fans. Oakland team officials charged San Francisco fans extra to park Sunday, unless the Giants’ supporters were willing to yell “Go, A’s!” on their drive in.

“And remember,” the spokesperson said, “parking is free if someone in your car shouts, ‘I’m the team owner, you fool, let me in!’ Because nobody knows what our reclusive team owner John Fisher looks like, and our parking-lot attendants can’t risk offending their boss.”