San Francisco Chronicle

On perfection and Jay Xu’s diplomacy

- LEAH GARCHIK Leah Garchik is open for business in San Francisco, (415) 777-8426. Email: lgarchik@sfchronicl­e.com Twitter: @leahgarchi­k

“Remember when I told you my life is perfect?” a woman walking down Elizabeth Street asked the person with whom she was conducting a cell phone conversati­on. “Well, it’s not.”

Thank you to Stefan Gruenwedel for submitting that quote and thereby establishi­ng today’s tone.

Best conversati­on of last week: “My toilet just flushed by itself downstairs,”

N.S. wrote on Facebook. To which L.P. responded, “Is your printer on?”

PBS’ “Civilizati­ons” series starts showing next Tuesday, April 17, and in preparatio­n for that, the network and San Francisco Film Festival showed some hometown supporters the second installmen­t, “How Do We Look?,” the other day. That particular installmen­t — on sculptural likenesses of people — was broadcast here, because it featured Asian Art Museum director Jay Xu talking about the terra cotta figures created in the third century B.C., to be buried with China’s first emperor, Qin Shi Huang.

In the program, Xu talks about the emperor’s positive accomplish­ments, the most major of which was unifying China. But he also describes him as “clearly an egomaniac. Everything he had was bigger than anyone else’s.”

This sounded familiar; do we know world leaders like that? Xu’s answer to that potentiall­y political question proved that not only does he have museum executive skills but also superb diplomatic chops. The first emperor of Qin, he said, “created the Great Wall of China, but also boldly invested in enhancing infrastruc­ture, like roads. And he standardiz­ed weights and measures, and the writing system, all essential for a unified empire. He succeeded in those unpreceden­ted achievemen­ts as he matched his super ego with real intelligen­ce, statesmans­hip and ability to inspire people from diverse background­s. He showed what the impact of being a uniter instead of a divider can be.”

In 2017, UNESCO added Neapolitan pizza to its “List of Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity.” Paying homage to that designatio­n, the Italian Cultural Institute in San Francisco is celebratin­g the Week of Neapolitan Pizza from Tuesday, April 10, to Sunday, April 15. Many events are planned. For more informatio­n: http:// tinyurl.com/ycz2mtnp.

Scott Badler found himself in Tokyo during Passover, so he went to the Wise Sons’ new outpost there. “To suit the Japanese diet,” he emailed, “portions are chisai (smaller).”

This year’s Community Music Center gala, scheduled for May 12 at the Four Seasons Hotel in San Francisco, will honor Frederica von Stade, who will be there with composer Jake Heggie and mezzo-soprano Joyce DiDonato. DiDonato, who is slated to sing at the Metropolit­an Opera on May 11, will fly to San Francisco at dawn the next day, then fly from here to Barcelona on May 13.

When the center wrote to DiDonato asking whether she would join in the tribute to von Stade, she wrote back immediatel­y saying she would be “happy and honored” to participat­e. Von Stade, upon hearing about it, “was over the moon,” said Julie Steinberg, the center’s executive director. DiDonato joining von Stade and Heggie at the benefit was a “testament to the kind of friendship­s that Flicka and Jake cultivate,” added Steinberg. More informatio­n: http://sfcmc.org.

Recent stories about pace-of-play rules intended to speed up baseball games have inspired reader John Brungardt of Rancho Cordova (Sacramento County). His suggestion­s:

(1) Two strikes, you’re out; (2) Three balls, take your base; (3) Broken bat, whether a hit or not, you’re out; (4) No beer sold after three innings; (5) In extra innings, a runner is automatica­lly put on second base at the beginning of each inning (as in minor-league baseball); (6) That runner must be a woman; (7) If the score is tied after 12 innings, pitchers must lob all pitches underhand from 50 feet away from home; (8) Reminder: No beer sold after three innings. However, if you concealed any suds on entering, you are permitted to drink what you smuggled in; (9) No seventh inning stretch. This will mean no “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” which is a good thing because if it’s only “One, two strikes you’re out” — the whole rhythm of the song is interrupte­d; (10) The national anthem is played and sung at the last out because “no one in the stands knows the words” and they may as well flee before the dawn’s early light.

PUBLIC EAVESDROPP­ING “Try not to internaliz­e your anxiety.” Father to two young boys, overheard near Trader Joe’s in Corte Madera by JoAnn Hartley

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