How to get a garrulous golfer to stop gabbing
Dear Miss Manners: How does one tell a fellow golfer, politely, to quit talking while others are preparing to hit?
My friend and I belong to a league and we have one member who is quite garrulous. Literally from the first tee box to the last green, it is a nonstop stream of rambling — even to the point of being able to hear her from the other side of the fairway.
She has no problems taking others to task, though. One member took a call on her cell phone. The call lasted less than two minutes, and it was during the time we were walking to our balls. She, of course, complained to the league president that that was unacceptable.
Should we be unlucky enough to be placed in a foursome with her again, how should we handle her neverending chatter?
Gentle Reader: With politeness, naturally. Pay scrupulous, and undivided, attention to your garrulous golfer, and if she asks why you are not hitting the ball, explain that you are busy listening to her story. While Miss Manners realizes this will require an initial sacrifice of time when you could be golfing, your chatterer should eventually get the point.
Dear Miss Manners: I love Chinese food, but have never been able to master eating it with chopsticks. Whereas others seem to do it with great ease, I fumble and futz and finally resort to using a fork and spoon to get through the meal.
When I go out to eat at Chinese restaurants, others in my group will choose to eat with chopsticks, always offering to give me a lesson in their use, telling me that children master them with ease or, worse, making me feel gauche and inappropriate when I simply ask for other utensils.
I was not raised in Chinese culture and am not eating in China, so why am I being pressured to use chopsticks? My table companions always seem to shame me for not using chopsticks, which I consider rude. Aren’t they appearing somewhat affected by demonstrating a skill that is not part of their background or culture, just for the sake of eating a meal?
Gentle Reader: In addition to being familiar with chopsticks, the aforementioned children are, no doubt, aware of the concept of “time out” for misbehavior. Miss Manners mentions it because she is about to send everyone there.
Not being in China, you are under no obligation to use chopsticks, and it is rude of your friends to notice you are not — much less to discuss or criticize it. But their own familiarity with, and willingness to use, chopsticks is equally innocent.
Dear Miss Manners: I was not invited to my niece’s birthday party. No invitation was sent to myself or my husband because of problems within the family.
Were we wrong for not going to the party that we were not formally invited to? We did not want to show up uninvited and have more problems start at my poor little niece’s party. If we were invited we would have gone.
Gentle Reader: Will you be surprised to hear that Miss Manners does not consider it wrong to refrain from crashing a party to which you were not invited?