New awareness of who harasses
Liberal political leanings don’t mean enlightenment
The #MeToo movement is making progress, but men are still too comfortable sexually harassing women — even using their real names and phone numbers. This is their way of exerting power over women, and it even happens in a place like San Francisco where progressive values are standard.
This has become clear to me in my day-to-day work in local politics, where I run and recruit for all of our campaign events. I use a text-message service that allows me to contact everyone in the supervisorial district who has included their cell phone number in their voter registration. It’s a very useful piece of technology that helps me to reach a wide audience and better connect with voters who might be interested in meeting the candidate in person.
But lately it’s felt more like Tinder, or worse. I receive text after text of sexually harassing content. Sometimes it’ll be men asking me out on a date or inquiring as to whether or not I’m single. I’ve gotten multiple requests for nude photos.
The most violating are the pornographic images. Recently, a voter I texted RSVPed yes to an upcoming event, asking for more details about the event. When I responded, the onslaught of pornographic images began, including one with a video of a woman being repeatedly spanked.
This was only one of many pornographic images I’ve been sent, and the only one I feel comfortable describing. In the several months I’ve been using this texting service, I’ve received too many messages with sexual content to count.
I’ve worked in advocacy nonprofits since college and am used to anonymous Twitter trolls saying horrendous things to me (I, like many other women who want to protect their sanity, generally stay far away from my mentions).
But this is disconcerting in a way I’ve never experienced before. The strange thing about the kind of harassment I’m getting now is that it doesn’t come from behind a digital curtain — I know the names, addresses, ages, emails, phone numbers, and more, of each man I contact. In fact, after I get a particularly gross text, I often do a quick search and find the man online. I’ve been tempted to contact some of them for an explanation as to why they think such behavior is acceptable, but I’d rather not subject myself to further torment.
What’s particularly unsettling is that I’ve had — until now — this mental picture of the type of men who would harass a woman online or elsewhere. They’re lunatics who hate women. Those men feel separate from my everyday experience, and that thought provides me a measure of comfort. But what I’ve experienced recently proves this kind of behavior is much more widespread. The vast majority of voters I text are registered Democrats who live in neighborhoods where I like to hang out. I’ve Googled some names and found many work at big tech companies, serve on philanthropic boards, practice law. These men are often civically engaged, in committed relationships, and present themselves as liberal.
I’ve switched to using a male name when texting voters and, not surprisingly, the harassment has disappeared. But I can’t transform and protect myself so easily in person (though I shouldn’t have to). When I’m out knocking on doors or attending an event, I often feel scared I’ll run into one of these men. Will they recognize my name? It feels real in a way Twitter harassment never did.
I won’t be the first or last woman to be harassed just because I’m a woman speaking up to try to improve her community. I also won’t be the first or last woman to persist through this avalanche of everyday misogyny. But I hope that by coming forward with my experiences, I can add my voice to the #MeToo chorus and be very clear with every San Franciscan that sexual harassment — no matter how anonymous you may feel — is totally unacceptable. A simple “unsubscribe” or “take me off your list” works great.