Troupe embraces large-size dancers
The audience was hours away from being welcomed inside the Laney College theater in Oakland, but backstage, the performers of emFATic DANCE were already having a fantastic time. Seven dancers, all of whom self-identify as “fat,” pulled on flesh-colored dance tights and applied bright eyeshadow. Water bottles and lipstick tubes were scattered across a table, and one performer adjusted her blonde acrylic wig until it was just right. The dancers, clearly close friends, shared hilarious intimacies and asked about each others’ kids. That brightly lit space, crowded with laughter, was filled with wisdom and hairspray.
This past weekend, Big Moves presented “The Sweet Barre,” a two-hour dance showcase at Laney College featuring emFATic DANCE performers as well as 10 guest artists, each of whom represent bodies that have a harder time being represented in dance, including those belonging to people of color and gender nonnormative people.
“Our mission is to produce shows and events that encourage more people of size to be in the studio and on stage,” said Matilda St. John. The 44-year-old Oakland psychotherapist is the director and co-artistic director of Big Moves, a nonprofit that runs emFATic DANCE and hosts open dance rehearsals for people of size. It also runs the “Cupcakes and Muffintops” used, plus-size clothing and bake sale, and produces the annual free day of dance during Bay Area Dance Week.
The Big Moves organization is more than just fat people dancing. It’s a safe, loving and irreverent community of accomplished, beautiful, normal people — and I wish I’d known about it a long time ago. I quit dance class when I was 14. I also quit swim team, volleyball, basketball and later, theater. I felt that I was too big — too tall and too fat — to be worthy of using and enjoying my body. And I had no examples of anyone who looked anything like me doing anything athletic or artistic with their body. My insecurities felt reinforced at every turn. Suddenly, sitting in a backstage dressing room of a community college theater in Oakland, I relaxed into my body — all 5 feet and 11 inches of me.
Big Moves was founded in 2000 by Marina Wolf. In 2001, the organization hosted its first show, and the annual summer performance has become the nonprofit’s biggest fundraiser. Dancers of all sizes and genders are welcome to join. There are no auditions, and the emFATic DANCE dancers meet every Saturday at a studio in Berkeley. The group has only two strict rules: no diet talk and no negative body talk is allowed. “A lot of cisgendered women bond over that,” said dancer Natalie Ingraham, a sociologist at Cal State East Bay.
“When you perform, and when you have other people who are fat perform with you, it makes a difference,” said Jessica Judd, a 43-year-old mother and photographer who serves as Big Moves coartistic director and resident den mother. “Being in this group, there’s a lot of support and a lot of ways to talk about what’s going on.”
Additionally, Judd said, “there’s also a belief that we have to make people small so that they’re able to perform. That’s not true.”
As “The Sweet Barre” demonstrated at Sunday’s matinee, Judd is absolutely right. Performers of all sizes and colors took the stage with confidence, backed by a diverse and super-supportive audience. EmFATic DANCE performed several numbers and skits, some inspired by “Little Shop of Horrors,” tweaked to feature LGBTQ and body image storylines. Emcee Juicy D. Light then emerged and asked, “Where my fatties at?”
I did not raise my hand. When she asked, “Where my allies at?” I did not raise my hand, either. I’ve spent 30 years avoiding all mention of weight. Being comfortable with it was not going to happen over the course of a two-hour dance performance. There is a pervasive belief that extra weight is unhealthy — and it’s a fair point. But shame isn’t healthy, either, and it’s never served me well. (Performing on stage has. Being funny and honest has.)
Dancer Kristen Young walked into an emFATic DANCE rehearsal by herself a couple of years ago. Young had seen the group perform and something clicked for her. “I thought, ‘Holy crap!’ ” she remembered while getting dressed backstage. “There are people that look like me and they’re doing stuff I wanna do!”
An hour later, I watched Young onstage. She was dressed like a glittery candy corn, she was surrounded by beautiful dancers — and she was beaming.
LEAH GARCHIK and BAD REPORTER will return.
“There’s ... a belief that we have to make people small so that they’re able to perform.” Jessica Judd, Big Moves co-artistic director