How to help young child deflect personal questions
Dear Miss Manners: I have gathered from reading your column that one should not ask personal questions of strangers or make comments (even positive ones) regarding their appearance. I have also gathered that the response of the approached person should be civil, but not revealing.
How, if at all, is this rule altered when the approaching person is an adult and the approached is a young child?
My nearly 3-year-old child is approached several times on any given outing, with comments about her (fairly ordinary) clothing and questions about her age, name and favorite color. What we have been doing, so far, is to have me answer the questions (more specifically than I prefer, because I don’t know how to word a vague reply) and thank strangers for their compliments while she remains silent.
I would like to teach her an all-purpose sentence that is polite but discourages further, unwanted conversation. What I believe she would like to convey is, “I appreciate your interest, but my mother and I would prefer to continue our shopping (or conversation, or walk) undisturbed.” Of course, I know that wording is not correct, so I turn to Miss Manners for something better.
Gentle Reader: If you can get your 3-year-old to recite the sentence you propose, Miss Manners suspects you will have no further problems: You will have plenty of time to make a discreet escape while the now perplexed questioner wonders at her precocious politeness.
Failing that, let your daughter answer the first question naturally, then politely interrupt and apologize, explaining to child and stranger alike that it is time to go.
Dear Miss Manners: What is the most proper method of apologizing to a company that complained — not to me, or to my team leader, but to the company owner — that I was unprofessionally emotional while trying to finalize a challenging deal? (My first ever, by the way.)
Had they brought their concerns to me, or even just to my team leader, my apology would be sincere, but now it is tainted with resentment. In most cases, I would prefer to do it in person, or even in a written note, but in this case would an email be sufficient?
Gentle Reader: There are many ways to undercut the apology you are delivering. Using a less formal method of communication — email — may be less objectionable than a teenager’s delivering it in a sarcastic tone or an adult’s use of a non-apology (“I’m sorry you were offended”).
But whence all this resentment? Miss Manners could not help but notice that you never denied the charge. You excused it, and you object that the complainant jumped too many levels in reporting it. Neither entitles you to respond emotionally.
And given the original offense, Miss Manners would have thought you might wish to plant some doubt with your employer about your propensity to misbehave. A handwritten note will do this more effectively than email and without the danger that your temper may ruin an in-person apology.
Dear Miss Manners: Please settle a minor disagreement. When making a bed that has two pillows, should the pillows be placed with the pillowcase openings facing toward the middle of the bed or toward the sides? Gentle Reader: Toward the sides.